Life and love

To the faithful and pestering fans:
OK fine! I'll write, even though I'm exhausted and tired and sleepy. So I'm sorry if I repeat myself repeat myself.

Last night we stayed up really late with the kids, playing games and talking on the online translator. Anja (Nastja's 16 year old sister) came over last night for the weekend also. She is so sweet and so happy for Nastja.

This morning we got up early to go to the waterpark before Anna (Anja's current caregiver, Roman and Katya's former caregiver) came over to take us to this festival in a park in Tallinn. So we are all tired and on about 4 hours of sleep.

We had a GREAT day. Roman and Katya have been perfect. From the moment we picked them up and hugged them both tightly, both of us doing everything we could to keep ourselves together, they just picked up where they left off when we left. There is nothing that has changed, which means Jason's fears were over nothing. They just fit so perfectly with us, their personalities. And with Nastja too. We just can't imagine our family without them. We HAVE to get good news before we leave or I think we just might both have nervous breakdowns. Imagine having to turn your kids over to someone you don't know, where they hate living, and not know when you'll ever see them again. It's a pain that no one should have to even consider, and so far I try not to think about it because it is just too difficult. Neither of us ever cry, but if it crosses our mind, crying is all we do. The kids keep having to console us. They even told us not to worry, that even if we are apart they love us still and that they are happy knowing they have parents who love them, even if we are not together. That reaffirmed to us that even if we keep their hopes up for however long, months on end, that we are doing what is best for them to keep their hopes up.

Their new director and some of the people at the MSA feel differently, though. If it wasn't for Anna, I think they would discourage us visiting them at all. Kersti (MSA) told us on Thursday that they personally would not tell them that things will work out, because they do not know that for sure, and they don't want them to get their hopes up. But in this case, it is apparently too late. We said yes, it was already too late when we met them in May and found out the problem in September. We were already family. And that at this point, it is better for the kids to have hope than to have doubts. Kersti agreed with that.

The new director asked to meet us before they came with us this weekend. Of course we were charming as always ;) so that was no problem. But at first they said ehhh I don't know maybe not - about having them after school during the week. Anna talked to them and arranged to bring them to us most days, on her DAYS OFF. There are just so many loving people helping us, we're so grateful that we're not completely surrounded by problems and people who don't care.

So Katya and Roman go back to the orphanage tomorrow night and will be here Tuesday afternoon/evening and Wednesday afternoon/evening, and then on Friday for the weekend again. Same for the week after and then we leave on Thursday the 5th.

Anja is still here (until tomorrow when Katya and Roman go back to the orphanage also) and has been wonderful. She is 16 as of November. Anna (caretaker) was here most of the day also and took us to a festival in the park. She spoke to me at length, asking me if we would want to take Anja also, because she is wonderful and would love a family like ours. I agreed that we think she is wonderful, I told her that I didn't think it was allowed to adopt children of that age to America because she is 16. But we would do what we can for her as far as visiting or staying with us if she could come to America another way. Anja had already said she would try to get permission to visit us in the summer after her graduation.

We can't afford to adopt anymore kids after K&R, anyway, and in talking about age I said it might be weird that I'm only 12 years older than her. LOL Turns out her bio mom is only 35, with 6 kids (including Nastja and Anja, Vlad the 12 year old boy, and 3 babies, all but the youngest baby in the orphanages). But we would do whatever we could for Anja. She is very special.

Later, Anja commented that dinner together with all of us at the apartment (at the table, complete with prayer) was very special. She started crying and told us that she thinks that we are the best parents in the world, that she was wondering earlier why God would allow her to live such a life, with a mother who doesn't love her, and that she is so glad that her sister will be with us and be loved. And that she herself is happy when she is with us. It made us so sad for her. She acts very adult-like, sometimes we forget that she is 16. But then we could see how everything effects her too, even as a mature person. Now we feel like we have the biggest family of kids that live in another country. LOL We told Anja that now that we are Nastja's parents, she is also family and she now will always have a family who loves her. She was very happy to hear that, I think. She is also always very appreciative of everything. She thanked us many times for the excellent day and every small thing we do for her. She said where they live is very strict and even with family rules this is so much better, being with us. It sounds like even though the orphanage has loving caregivers and it is a safe place to live, they go without a lot of life's necessities. Being really loved, for instance. Being treated individually as appreciated and enjoyed. It's just heartbreaking.

Tomorrow we're going to the waterpark again. I am going to talk to Anja more about what she said about God. It will be interesting to see where that conversation goes.

Anyway, that's the update!

And finally, here are a couple pictures I got uploaded and exported to JPEG format. It takes forever, so sorry it's taking forever.

:)

Love,
Molly