"Still we shall wait..."

We got home last night at about 11:30 and went to sleep at 1:30am. We were exhausted and could probably have fallen asleep on the driveway, but Jason was dying to watch the season finale of a certain stranded-on-an-island show, so we fought to stay awake a little longer. CRAZY!

This morning we feel pretty much back to normal after sleeping soundly in our own bed. It was so dark in our room compared to the hotel room because it doesn't get completely dark there this time of year. That was weird getting used to the dark again!

From the comments and questions we've received from some of you, I guess I wasn't clear in my haste during my last post. So to avoid further uncertainty: Yes, we do love these kids and yes we will be adopting them, whatever it takes. We would be heartbroken if we didn't get these kids and we already miss them terribly.

The rest of the trip: So the rest of the night Wednesday was great. Katya and Jason ran out to the store to buy more food at 9:30pm because they were hungry. We went ahead and let them eat as much as they wanted and pack food in their bag to go back to the orphanage because we know they don't get to eat much. Then we talked on the translator more. Then Katya turned off the computer, making a point that she had no desire to ask "Pleeeease eeenternet, 5 mee-nets?", and that instead she wanted to just spend time with us. So they played UNO with us (which they had done several times the other days too), and giggled and tickled and wrestled until we finally said it was time to sleep at about midnight. By then Roman had already fallen asleep on his bed.

They got right up when we woke them Thursday morning, since we'd explained Wednesday night that since it was our last day they should get right up so we can spend as much time before we had to go home. We all packed our stuff and ate breakfast. They wanted to go to the park one more time to play tag, so Jason took them while I finished packing. Then we waited for Igor to come at 10am to take us all to the orphanage. When Igor pulled up outside, Katya smiled and pointed out the window, "Igor, Igor!" I teased her and said, "Why are you happy? If Igor's here, that means we have to leave!" She laughed and said, "Oops!" then stuck her lip out and looked sad, in a joking way. But then they both got sincerely sad and started hugging us a lot.

When we got to the orphanage we got to meet a few of the other kids who weren't at school that day. One was Masha, a girl that we've seen pictures of on the photo listing along with her sister. They are being adopted by a family here in the US also. She's good friends with Katya so they are excited that they are both going to America soon. We took pictures of Masha for her adoptive family to see.

We took pictures of the orphanage, the other kids, and the caretakers, and we talked to their caretaker. The hour or so we were sitting in one of the living room areas, Roman sat leaning against me, very quiet and subdued. Just looking around, not talking, and it was tough to get him to smile. He looked very serious. We asked Igor what was wrong with him. He said he was sad that we were leaving. This was the only time Roman was truly upset the whole trip.

Wednesday and Thursday morning we really felt like the kids started changing and developing an actual bond with us, rather than just that we are new and fun.

I was thinking about earlier my concerns that these kids might have more than normal selfish tendencies because of their circumstances, that we would have to work out of them when they get home. On Thursday at the orphanage around lunch time, we knew the kids had to be getting hungry because we were both starving. The kids had some food (cookies, bread, apples, etc.) in their bag from the hotel. We tried to put in there as much food as we could, as I mentioned, since they don't get fed much. I said to Jason that I was hungry, and the kids immediately insisted on giving me their cookies and an apple. That meant a lot to me because they had every right to be selfish about that food. I ate a cookie and left the apple and the rest of the cookies on her bed for her.

We played basketball for awhile and then we went back inside for us to talk to their primary caregiver, who had just arrived. Jason played UNO with the kids in their room while I talked to her. She also only spoke Russian and only maybe a few words in English. It was funny because I would ask a question and Igor would translate the question, they would talk back and forth for a couple minutes, then look at me and go, "...So... yeah..." And I would look at them like, "What? You didn't answer me!" LOL

So I did get to find out that the speech therapy was a few years ago to teach Roman how to roll his R's, which he is amazing at it now. We also heard that he had been to a psychologist, so I asked her why. She said it was when he first came to the orphanage after their mother's rights were removed by the court, and he hasn't needed it since then. It was only for a little while in the beginning. They said that they are both very healthy, happy, and handle life's challenges very well and with a good attitude. That must be why they seem so normal for their situation. Of course there will probably be issues in the future related to their prior abandonment, we know.

Then it was time to leave. We all walked outside to Igor's car and gave each other hugs. We held back emotionally as much as we could so the kids wouldn't get too upset. I hugged Roman first. Even though he's very affectionate, he is less outgoing than his sister. They both hold hands with us a lot more than they hug, which we've heard is a cultural thing. So I never hug them for too long at a time because I don't want to overwhelm them. When I hugged him, we both squeezed tightly and when I started to loosen up, he kept squeezing. He didn't want to let go. It was so heartbreaking. Katya did the same thing. Then we tried to keep it lighthearted, telling them not to worry, we'd see them again in a few months and we promised to come back for them. They nodded and said "Yes" with their cute accents. Katya tried to be upbeat with a smile and "Ciao!" It reminded me of when I leave my mom's house after a visit, her with tears in her eyes, we're both sad, and I say, "See ya soon! Byeee!", trying to keep us from getting too upset.

Then we drove away, waving through the windows to each other.

Leaving them at the orphanage was absolutely the saddest and hardest thing we've ever done. Neither of us ever cry in public. But boy did we yesterday! Every person in every airplane and airport we were in probably was wondering what in the world was wrong with us. It was so painful. But at the same time we had the odd mixture of happiness and depression because we felt like we got exactly what we went for. It was nearly perfect, even including all the testing behaviors we got on Tuesday. In some ways it doesn't even feel real. It was like a dream - exactly the way I would have imagined it. Getting along quickly, getting more and more comfortable with each other all the time, some rough spots, the fun of being around energetic and goofy kids, and the difficulty of leaving. And the niceness and easiness of the city and the logistics of the trip. It was all great. We can't wait to go back.

Courts close for July and August, so we're hoping (though it's really unlikely) that we'll hear about our court date during June. But it won't be until the fall sometime that it actually occurs. We got our INS approval (171H form) FINALLY, so everything is done. It's all being translated, then we get a couple forms from the court to fill out, then we get our court date. So all we do now is wait. And wait. So we hope to have our court date, if Tallinn courts really are as fast as they say, in late September or shortly thereafter.

We do get to keep in touch with the kids. We tried calling already once but a young boy answered and didn't understand me at all. Even though I was asking for the kids in Russian. LOL So we'll try again tomorrow. We will also be mailing them letters, pictures and gifts. We want to send them pictures of the rest of the family, so everyone send me some! We did tell them about all the family members they'll be getting and they got SO excited. 4 Grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... And they both said that some day they would like to have more brothers and sisters. We laughed and said WAY WAY future someday. ;)

So... Pictures? You say you want pictures huh? OK I'll post a few here. And I'll write a post only about Tallinn, the culture, the people, etc. That's always fun for me - to see the differences in the way people are, the way they talk and act, in different parts of the country and world.

Stay tuned!

Love,
Molly