I've been getting calls and emails with requests for updates, so here you go! Thanks for keeping us in high demand! :)
Nothing new with the process, really. Just waiting. But we did find a few out interesting things in the last couple days. The Estonian adoption Yahoo group has been on fire lately with people posting questions and answers on all types of subjects. Before our trip, the board was sooooo dead. I would post a question and get only one answer or no answers. Now I'm one of the answerers, so that makes it more fun.
Through the message board we've made contact with a few other families. One (Charlotte) who is currently going through the process and hopes to preview a girl in August. Another (Patti) is a single lady whose daughter was in the same group as our kids, and she was adopted in December. A third (Jenn) lives about an hour from us, and they also finished their adoption in December, a 12 year old boy (now 13) and a 5 year old girl.
As it turns out, Jenn and Patti were both in Estonia for their court dates at the time the previous family was there meeting our kids. We found out from them that that family was very very strict, even having the kids sign a contract about what they would and wouldn't do once they get to their home in America. Patti and her daughter (who knows Katya & Roman) said that the kids look so happy with us in the pictures, happier than they did with the other family. In the conversations that followed with both Patti and Jenn, it seems like the other family was not the type to run and play, go down water slides, give piggy-back rides, and goof off with the kids. They even said that the kids were very misbehaving out in public- and one thing we had already mentioned about the kids is that they were so good in public! They never gave us trouble acting obnoxious in restaurants or anything like that. Sounds like they wanted calm, quiet kids, and maybe that's why they were considering kids their age. But Katya and Roman are fun, active, resilient kids. Not zombies. They are not well suited for parents who want to sit around. So they apparently said that "A lot of things will change when we get them home!"
Patti asked me if Roman tried to run away on us. I said (with shock) NO! And asked why. She said on about the third day with the other family, he said he was going to run away and the parents said basically OK Fine, go. So he took his coat and sat on the stairs in the hotel for awhile. There was nothing even close to behavior like that from him while we were there. Not even during the pouting. They were so overall happy and seemed to want to please most of the time.
All of this leads us to think that they probably did notice quite a difference between us and the other parents that came to see them. We wondered if they appreciated the activities we like to do with them, or if they were disappointed at first that the previous family was not adopting them after all. That gave us a little indication of what they were probably thinking.
The next interesting thing I can tell you all is that Jason was watching the video from the trip more carefully. A lot of it is video of the ground and stuff like that because the kids would forget to turn the camera off when they were done. So he was watching it, started laughing and called Katya a little stinker. I asked what was going on, and he had me watch it. Roman was holding the camera while she talked to it. She said something in Russian, then looked at the camera and said in PERFECT ENGLISH, "Is that recording?"
So....... we have even more reason to think that they know much more English than they let on. Little stinker, indeed. I know she wasn't just repeating something we had just said. At most she might have heard us say that one time, and not right beforehand. That's not the only time they used English phrases that were more uncommon. They knew "massage" and "stand up", for instance.
That's about it for now, I think. Of course I'll keep you all posted if anything substantial happens.
Love,
Molly
Friday, June 6, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
An exotic American Russian German Irish Swedish French Italian Swiss English.
While we were talking to the kids on the final night, we asked them in Russian if they wanted new American names. They both said yes. We want to keep their first names the same for a couple reasons. For one thing, we love their names. We don't want them to get rid of their past entirely, so what is usually recommended is that you either give them middle names, or you put their Estonian/Russian names as their middle names and give them new first times. We've heard that the kids usually want American names because the new names sound exotic to them. That way their whole lives they'll have the choice of being called names exotic to them, or exotic to other Americans. ha ha
We rattled off names off the top of our heads and they liked them all. Probably because they all sounded new, different, and they had no associations to them. Of course, it's harder for us to pick names because we have associations in our minds to some names.
There is one top choice for his middle name. It's a boy's name I have always loved and think goes well with his first name and fine with our last name. There is one favorite girl's name I'd love to give her, and Jason also likes it, but there is one concern with it... To some people it sounds more Germanic than American. So her name would be Russian-German-Italian, in that order. Would that be too weird?
I won't tell what either idea is because I don't want to hear the cheers or jeers just yet. LOL
Katya will have the option of also just being called Katie, which we think suits her really well. So she'll have two non-Russian options in her name. So since Katie is an option, is a Germanic middle name so bad???
Jason's not really for asking everyone's opinion on our top choices and seeing what everyone thinks. But I am for asking if anyone has any suggestions on names they like. I know in the past a certain much loved family member has said that naming is personal and she would never give suggestions on names because it should be something we pick on our own. But in this case, having to sound good with established first and last names already, I think it's a little different.
Feel free to comment with names you like and that you think sound good. No need to suggest your OWN names... We can think of those ourselves. ;) And no we won't call her Kathy, Kathy! ha ha
Love,
Molly
We rattled off names off the top of our heads and they liked them all. Probably because they all sounded new, different, and they had no associations to them. Of course, it's harder for us to pick names because we have associations in our minds to some names.
There is one top choice for his middle name. It's a boy's name I have always loved and think goes well with his first name and fine with our last name. There is one favorite girl's name I'd love to give her, and Jason also likes it, but there is one concern with it... To some people it sounds more Germanic than American. So her name would be Russian-German-Italian, in that order. Would that be too weird?
I won't tell what either idea is because I don't want to hear the cheers or jeers just yet. LOL
Katya will have the option of also just being called Katie, which we think suits her really well. So she'll have two non-Russian options in her name. So since Katie is an option, is a Germanic middle name so bad???
Jason's not really for asking everyone's opinion on our top choices and seeing what everyone thinks. But I am for asking if anyone has any suggestions on names they like. I know in the past a certain much loved family member has said that naming is personal and she would never give suggestions on names because it should be something we pick on our own. But in this case, having to sound good with established first and last names already, I think it's a little different.
Feel free to comment with names you like and that you think sound good. No need to suggest your OWN names... We can think of those ourselves. ;) And no we won't call her Kathy, Kathy! ha ha
Love,
Molly
Friday, May 30, 2008
Tallinn
Note: Three posts today, don't miss the other two (pictures below and text below that)!
Tallinn
This picture is by the park that we most often would take the kids to, to play on the playground, play tag and take pictures. It was right around the corner from the B&B we were staying in. I wish we had more pictures of what the streets and buildings looked like, but the kids usually had the camera and when we had the camera, we were usually taking pictures of the kids. I think one of the kids even took this picture. In fact, I know they did. They like to hold down the button so it does the rapid fire shots (3 per second), so there were about 12 duplicates of this picture. LOL
Where we were staying was called the "Old Town" of Tallinn. It was all old buildings and cobblestone streets. The view out our window was out the front of the building, where 5 or 6 streets intersect.
In Estonia, one thing we realized after awhile is that pedestrians in a crosswalk REALLY DO always have the right of way. You step into the street on a crosswalk and everyone SLAMS on their brakes to let you cross. Of course you look to be sure, but they always stop.
People are generally very polite. We didn't hear a horn honk all week, except for the cars pulling over and honking to alert someone indoors to come out and get in the car.
When I said everything is very clean, I mean CLEAN! We made a game of finding trash on the street. We rarely would see a receipt or something like that on the ground, and that was about it. And there are no trash cans. Only little tiny ones attached to an occasional bench, but no giant monstrosities on the corners like you see in most cities.
For money, we got Euros at the airport thinking those would be good anywhere. But in Estonia, you can only pay with credit cards and Estonian Kroons (EEK). The kroons were easy to compare to USD, they are just one decimal off from USD value basically. 100 kroons is like 10 dollars. We didn't know that, though, when we went to the ATM and withdrew 5000 kroons. The kids went "Whooooaaaa!" No wonder they thought we were rich and were surprised when we didn't buy them something they asked for!
There are no overweight or unattractive people. Well, I shouldn't say that. There are the tourists. They're ugly sometimes. Oh, and all the really overweight women - they are in the hot tubs and shamelessly naked in the locker room at the indoor water park/gym. We saw them nowhere else! Aside from that, everyone is usually extremely attractive, not just not ugly. LOL
There is alcohol for sale EVERYWHERE. It really is often cheaper than water.
And as for water... When you order water in a restaurant it is always bottled and it's usually like 3 or 4 dollars. And unless you specify, you will always get carbonated water. You have to order it "still."
Everything is pretty expensive. Clothes, food, soft drinks, gas. It's $8 a gallon for gas. The first night we were there, without the kids, and before we knew how much the money was, we spent $50 at some stupid bar and grill for two really terrible sandwiches and a bottle of water. YUCK! The food at the grocery store isn't that expensive, though. So we started going there and making sandwiches and things at the hotel.
Nearly everyone in restaurants, stores, and behind any counter speaks all three languages: Estonian, Russian, and English. We ran into more trouble with people not speaking Russian for the kids rather than not speaking English for us. There is much more prejudice against Russians than there is against Americans. We had to leave one restaurant because there was no Russian menu - only Estonian and English, which meant the kids had no way of telling us what they would like to eat. And the waitress was rude to the kids when they asked if there was a Russian menu.
There are phone booths everywhere.
The buses are attached to wires that run along above the street, so they stay in the same lane all the time. I have no idea what that's for exactly.
There are a lot of McDonald's, and they are exactly like the ones here except the menu is in three languages.
The water park (Kalev Water Spa) was about a 10 minute walk from the hotel, and we are jealous that we don't have a place like that here. It's a big gym, an Olympic size pool, several hot tubs in different temperatures, different types of bubbles and flows, etc., kid pools, and 4 or 5 enclosed flume slides. We went there two days in a row because it was so much fun for all of us! It wasn't crowded and we don't know how many times the kids must've gone there, but they showed us how to do everything (how to work the lockers that open and lock with your electric wristband, etc.). They swim really well, too.
More later, I'm still thinking of things to say about the town. :) Check back for more paragraphs.
^^^
The only other thing I could think of, still in my exhaustion (mostly mental), is that there are no dogs. Of all the times in the park and in public, we saw two dogs. OK, three if you count the Pomeranian sticking out of a purple leather bag, carried by a woman dressed in a purple suede mini-dress with thigh-high purple suede boots and giant sunglasses. But I think she actually stepped out of a fashion magazine, so she doesn't count.
Where we were staying was called the "Old Town" of Tallinn. It was all old buildings and cobblestone streets. The view out our window was out the front of the building, where 5 or 6 streets intersect.
In Estonia, one thing we realized after awhile is that pedestrians in a crosswalk REALLY DO always have the right of way. You step into the street on a crosswalk and everyone SLAMS on their brakes to let you cross. Of course you look to be sure, but they always stop.
People are generally very polite. We didn't hear a horn honk all week, except for the cars pulling over and honking to alert someone indoors to come out and get in the car.
When I said everything is very clean, I mean CLEAN! We made a game of finding trash on the street. We rarely would see a receipt or something like that on the ground, and that was about it. And there are no trash cans. Only little tiny ones attached to an occasional bench, but no giant monstrosities on the corners like you see in most cities.
For money, we got Euros at the airport thinking those would be good anywhere. But in Estonia, you can only pay with credit cards and Estonian Kroons (EEK). The kroons were easy to compare to USD, they are just one decimal off from USD value basically. 100 kroons is like 10 dollars. We didn't know that, though, when we went to the ATM and withdrew 5000 kroons. The kids went "Whooooaaaa!" No wonder they thought we were rich and were surprised when we didn't buy them something they asked for!
There are no overweight or unattractive people. Well, I shouldn't say that. There are the tourists. They're ugly sometimes. Oh, and all the really overweight women - they are in the hot tubs and shamelessly naked in the locker room at the indoor water park/gym. We saw them nowhere else! Aside from that, everyone is usually extremely attractive, not just not ugly. LOL
There is alcohol for sale EVERYWHERE. It really is often cheaper than water.
And as for water... When you order water in a restaurant it is always bottled and it's usually like 3 or 4 dollars. And unless you specify, you will always get carbonated water. You have to order it "still."
Everything is pretty expensive. Clothes, food, soft drinks, gas. It's $8 a gallon for gas. The first night we were there, without the kids, and before we knew how much the money was, we spent $50 at some stupid bar and grill for two really terrible sandwiches and a bottle of water. YUCK! The food at the grocery store isn't that expensive, though. So we started going there and making sandwiches and things at the hotel.
Nearly everyone in restaurants, stores, and behind any counter speaks all three languages: Estonian, Russian, and English. We ran into more trouble with people not speaking Russian for the kids rather than not speaking English for us. There is much more prejudice against Russians than there is against Americans. We had to leave one restaurant because there was no Russian menu - only Estonian and English, which meant the kids had no way of telling us what they would like to eat. And the waitress was rude to the kids when they asked if there was a Russian menu.
There are phone booths everywhere.
The buses are attached to wires that run along above the street, so they stay in the same lane all the time. I have no idea what that's for exactly.
There are a lot of McDonald's, and they are exactly like the ones here except the menu is in three languages.
The water park (Kalev Water Spa) was about a 10 minute walk from the hotel, and we are jealous that we don't have a place like that here. It's a big gym, an Olympic size pool, several hot tubs in different temperatures, different types of bubbles and flows, etc., kid pools, and 4 or 5 enclosed flume slides. We went there two days in a row because it was so much fun for all of us! It wasn't crowded and we don't know how many times the kids must've gone there, but they showed us how to do everything (how to work the lockers that open and lock with your electric wristband, etc.). They swim really well, too.
More later, I'm still thinking of things to say about the town. :) Check back for more paragraphs.
^^^
The only other thing I could think of, still in my exhaustion (mostly mental), is that there are no dogs. Of all the times in the park and in public, we saw two dogs. OK, three if you count the Pomeranian sticking out of a purple leather bag, carried by a woman dressed in a purple suede mini-dress with thigh-high purple suede boots and giant sunglasses. But I think she actually stepped out of a fashion magazine, so she doesn't count.
"Still we shall wait..."
We got home last night at about 11:30 and went to sleep at 1:30am. We were exhausted and could probably have fallen asleep on the driveway, but Jason was dying to watch the season finale of a certain stranded-on-an-island show, so we fought to stay awake a little longer. CRAZY!
This morning we feel pretty much back to normal after sleeping soundly in our own bed. It was so dark in our room compared to the hotel room because it doesn't get completely dark there this time of year. That was weird getting used to the dark again!
From the comments and questions we've received from some of you, I guess I wasn't clear in my haste during my last post. So to avoid further uncertainty: Yes, we do love these kids and yes we will be adopting them, whatever it takes. We would be heartbroken if we didn't get these kids and we already miss them terribly.
The rest of the trip: So the rest of the night Wednesday was great. Katya and Jason ran out to the store to buy more food at 9:30pm because they were hungry. We went ahead and let them eat as much as they wanted and pack food in their bag to go back to the orphanage because we know they don't get to eat much. Then we talked on the translator more. Then Katya turned off the computer, making a point that she had no desire to ask "Pleeeease eeenternet, 5 mee-nets?", and that instead she wanted to just spend time with us. So they played UNO with us (which they had done several times the other days too), and giggled and tickled and wrestled until we finally said it was time to sleep at about midnight. By then Roman had already fallen asleep on his bed.
They got right up when we woke them Thursday morning, since we'd explained Wednesday night that since it was our last day they should get right up so we can spend as much time before we had to go home. We all packed our stuff and ate breakfast. They wanted to go to the park one more time to play tag, so Jason took them while I finished packing. Then we waited for Igor to come at 10am to take us all to the orphanage. When Igor pulled up outside, Katya smiled and pointed out the window, "Igor, Igor!" I teased her and said, "Why are you happy? If Igor's here, that means we have to leave!" She laughed and said, "Oops!" then stuck her lip out and looked sad, in a joking way. But then they both got sincerely sad and started hugging us a lot.
When we got to the orphanage we got to meet a few of the other kids who weren't at school that day. One was Masha, a girl that we've seen pictures of on the photo listing along with her sister. They are being adopted by a family here in the US also. She's good friends with Katya so they are excited that they are both going to America soon. We took pictures of Masha for her adoptive family to see.
We took pictures of the orphanage, the other kids, and the caretakers, and we talked to their caretaker. The hour or so we were sitting in one of the living room areas, Roman sat leaning against me, very quiet and subdued. Just looking around, not talking, and it was tough to get him to smile. He looked very serious. We asked Igor what was wrong with him. He said he was sad that we were leaving. This was the only time Roman was truly upset the whole trip.
Wednesday and Thursday morning we really felt like the kids started changing and developing an actual bond with us, rather than just that we are new and fun.
I was thinking about earlier my concerns that these kids might have more than normal selfish tendencies because of their circumstances, that we would have to work out of them when they get home. On Thursday at the orphanage around lunch time, we knew the kids had to be getting hungry because we were both starving. The kids had some food (cookies, bread, apples, etc.) in their bag from the hotel. We tried to put in there as much food as we could, as I mentioned, since they don't get fed much. I said to Jason that I was hungry, and the kids immediately insisted on giving me their cookies and an apple. That meant a lot to me because they had every right to be selfish about that food. I ate a cookie and left the apple and the rest of the cookies on her bed for her.
We played basketball for awhile and then we went back inside for us to talk to their primary caregiver, who had just arrived. Jason played UNO with the kids in their room while I talked to her. She also only spoke Russian and only maybe a few words in English. It was funny because I would ask a question and Igor would translate the question, they would talk back and forth for a couple minutes, then look at me and go, "...So... yeah..." And I would look at them like, "What? You didn't answer me!" LOL
So I did get to find out that the speech therapy was a few years ago to teach Roman how to roll his R's, which he is amazing at it now. We also heard that he had been to a psychologist, so I asked her why. She said it was when he first came to the orphanage after their mother's rights were removed by the court, and he hasn't needed it since then. It was only for a little while in the beginning. They said that they are both very healthy, happy, and handle life's challenges very well and with a good attitude. That must be why they seem so normal for their situation. Of course there will probably be issues in the future related to their prior abandonment, we know.
Then it was time to leave. We all walked outside to Igor's car and gave each other hugs. We held back emotionally as much as we could so the kids wouldn't get too upset. I hugged Roman first. Even though he's very affectionate, he is less outgoing than his sister. They both hold hands with us a lot more than they hug, which we've heard is a cultural thing. So I never hug them for too long at a time because I don't want to overwhelm them. When I hugged him, we both squeezed tightly and when I started to loosen up, he kept squeezing. He didn't want to let go. It was so heartbreaking. Katya did the same thing. Then we tried to keep it lighthearted, telling them not to worry, we'd see them again in a few months and we promised to come back for them. They nodded and said "Yes" with their cute accents. Katya tried to be upbeat with a smile and "Ciao!" It reminded me of when I leave my mom's house after a visit, her with tears in her eyes, we're both sad, and I say, "See ya soon! Byeee!", trying to keep us from getting too upset.
Then we drove away, waving through the windows to each other.
Leaving them at the orphanage was absolutely the saddest and hardest thing we've ever done. Neither of us ever cry in public. But boy did we yesterday! Every person in every airplane and airport we were in probably was wondering what in the world was wrong with us. It was so painful. But at the same time we had the odd mixture of happiness and depression because we felt like we got exactly what we went for. It was nearly perfect, even including all the testing behaviors we got on Tuesday. In some ways it doesn't even feel real. It was like a dream - exactly the way I would have imagined it. Getting along quickly, getting more and more comfortable with each other all the time, some rough spots, the fun of being around energetic and goofy kids, and the difficulty of leaving. And the niceness and easiness of the city and the logistics of the trip. It was all great. We can't wait to go back.
Courts close for July and August, so we're hoping (though it's really unlikely) that we'll hear about our court date during June. But it won't be until the fall sometime that it actually occurs. We got our INS approval (171H form) FINALLY, so everything is done. It's all being translated, then we get a couple forms from the court to fill out, then we get our court date. So all we do now is wait. And wait. So we hope to have our court date, if Tallinn courts really are as fast as they say, in late September or shortly thereafter.
We do get to keep in touch with the kids. We tried calling already once but a young boy answered and didn't understand me at all. Even though I was asking for the kids in Russian. LOL So we'll try again tomorrow. We will also be mailing them letters, pictures and gifts. We want to send them pictures of the rest of the family, so everyone send me some! We did tell them about all the family members they'll be getting and they got SO excited. 4 Grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... And they both said that some day they would like to have more brothers and sisters. We laughed and said WAY WAY future someday. ;)
So... Pictures? You say you want pictures huh? OK I'll post a few here. And I'll write a post only about Tallinn, the culture, the people, etc. That's always fun for me - to see the differences in the way people are, the way they talk and act, in different parts of the country and world.
Stay tuned!
Love,
Molly
This morning we feel pretty much back to normal after sleeping soundly in our own bed. It was so dark in our room compared to the hotel room because it doesn't get completely dark there this time of year. That was weird getting used to the dark again!
From the comments and questions we've received from some of you, I guess I wasn't clear in my haste during my last post. So to avoid further uncertainty: Yes, we do love these kids and yes we will be adopting them, whatever it takes. We would be heartbroken if we didn't get these kids and we already miss them terribly.
The rest of the trip: So the rest of the night Wednesday was great. Katya and Jason ran out to the store to buy more food at 9:30pm because they were hungry. We went ahead and let them eat as much as they wanted and pack food in their bag to go back to the orphanage because we know they don't get to eat much. Then we talked on the translator more. Then Katya turned off the computer, making a point that she had no desire to ask "Pleeeease eeenternet, 5 mee-nets?", and that instead she wanted to just spend time with us. So they played UNO with us (which they had done several times the other days too), and giggled and tickled and wrestled until we finally said it was time to sleep at about midnight. By then Roman had already fallen asleep on his bed.
They got right up when we woke them Thursday morning, since we'd explained Wednesday night that since it was our last day they should get right up so we can spend as much time before we had to go home. We all packed our stuff and ate breakfast. They wanted to go to the park one more time to play tag, so Jason took them while I finished packing. Then we waited for Igor to come at 10am to take us all to the orphanage. When Igor pulled up outside, Katya smiled and pointed out the window, "Igor, Igor!" I teased her and said, "Why are you happy? If Igor's here, that means we have to leave!" She laughed and said, "Oops!" then stuck her lip out and looked sad, in a joking way. But then they both got sincerely sad and started hugging us a lot.
When we got to the orphanage we got to meet a few of the other kids who weren't at school that day. One was Masha, a girl that we've seen pictures of on the photo listing along with her sister. They are being adopted by a family here in the US also. She's good friends with Katya so they are excited that they are both going to America soon. We took pictures of Masha for her adoptive family to see.
We took pictures of the orphanage, the other kids, and the caretakers, and we talked to their caretaker. The hour or so we were sitting in one of the living room areas, Roman sat leaning against me, very quiet and subdued. Just looking around, not talking, and it was tough to get him to smile. He looked very serious. We asked Igor what was wrong with him. He said he was sad that we were leaving. This was the only time Roman was truly upset the whole trip.
Wednesday and Thursday morning we really felt like the kids started changing and developing an actual bond with us, rather than just that we are new and fun.
I was thinking about earlier my concerns that these kids might have more than normal selfish tendencies because of their circumstances, that we would have to work out of them when they get home. On Thursday at the orphanage around lunch time, we knew the kids had to be getting hungry because we were both starving. The kids had some food (cookies, bread, apples, etc.) in their bag from the hotel. We tried to put in there as much food as we could, as I mentioned, since they don't get fed much. I said to Jason that I was hungry, and the kids immediately insisted on giving me their cookies and an apple. That meant a lot to me because they had every right to be selfish about that food. I ate a cookie and left the apple and the rest of the cookies on her bed for her.
We played basketball for awhile and then we went back inside for us to talk to their primary caregiver, who had just arrived. Jason played UNO with the kids in their room while I talked to her. She also only spoke Russian and only maybe a few words in English. It was funny because I would ask a question and Igor would translate the question, they would talk back and forth for a couple minutes, then look at me and go, "...So... yeah..." And I would look at them like, "What? You didn't answer me!" LOL
So I did get to find out that the speech therapy was a few years ago to teach Roman how to roll his R's, which he is amazing at it now. We also heard that he had been to a psychologist, so I asked her why. She said it was when he first came to the orphanage after their mother's rights were removed by the court, and he hasn't needed it since then. It was only for a little while in the beginning. They said that they are both very healthy, happy, and handle life's challenges very well and with a good attitude. That must be why they seem so normal for their situation. Of course there will probably be issues in the future related to their prior abandonment, we know.
Then it was time to leave. We all walked outside to Igor's car and gave each other hugs. We held back emotionally as much as we could so the kids wouldn't get too upset. I hugged Roman first. Even though he's very affectionate, he is less outgoing than his sister. They both hold hands with us a lot more than they hug, which we've heard is a cultural thing. So I never hug them for too long at a time because I don't want to overwhelm them. When I hugged him, we both squeezed tightly and when I started to loosen up, he kept squeezing. He didn't want to let go. It was so heartbreaking. Katya did the same thing. Then we tried to keep it lighthearted, telling them not to worry, we'd see them again in a few months and we promised to come back for them. They nodded and said "Yes" with their cute accents. Katya tried to be upbeat with a smile and "Ciao!" It reminded me of when I leave my mom's house after a visit, her with tears in her eyes, we're both sad, and I say, "See ya soon! Byeee!", trying to keep us from getting too upset.
Then we drove away, waving through the windows to each other.
Leaving them at the orphanage was absolutely the saddest and hardest thing we've ever done. Neither of us ever cry in public. But boy did we yesterday! Every person in every airplane and airport we were in probably was wondering what in the world was wrong with us. It was so painful. But at the same time we had the odd mixture of happiness and depression because we felt like we got exactly what we went for. It was nearly perfect, even including all the testing behaviors we got on Tuesday. In some ways it doesn't even feel real. It was like a dream - exactly the way I would have imagined it. Getting along quickly, getting more and more comfortable with each other all the time, some rough spots, the fun of being around energetic and goofy kids, and the difficulty of leaving. And the niceness and easiness of the city and the logistics of the trip. It was all great. We can't wait to go back.
Courts close for July and August, so we're hoping (though it's really unlikely) that we'll hear about our court date during June. But it won't be until the fall sometime that it actually occurs. We got our INS approval (171H form) FINALLY, so everything is done. It's all being translated, then we get a couple forms from the court to fill out, then we get our court date. So all we do now is wait. And wait. So we hope to have our court date, if Tallinn courts really are as fast as they say, in late September or shortly thereafter.
We do get to keep in touch with the kids. We tried calling already once but a young boy answered and didn't understand me at all. Even though I was asking for the kids in Russian. LOL So we'll try again tomorrow. We will also be mailing them letters, pictures and gifts. We want to send them pictures of the rest of the family, so everyone send me some! We did tell them about all the family members they'll be getting and they got SO excited. 4 Grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... And they both said that some day they would like to have more brothers and sisters. We laughed and said WAY WAY future someday. ;)
So... Pictures? You say you want pictures huh? OK I'll post a few here. And I'll write a post only about Tallinn, the culture, the people, etc. That's always fun for me - to see the differences in the way people are, the way they talk and act, in different parts of the country and world.
Stay tuned!
Love,
Molly
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Forgot to title this one!
Well as many of you already know, today was a million times better than yesterday. All it took was a 2 minute phone call from Igor to Katya. She wasn't upset at whatever he said, and it took her about 10 seconds to whisper in Roman's ear what Igor told her, and they were great all day. All it took was someone they understood and knew well to tell them to cut it out and why.
It also helped, we realized, after last night if we were a little more firm with them, and as soon as they got over it we would initiate some sort of nice attention. Playing a game, giving a hug, etc. They started listening right away and stopped pouting.
Today they each pouted once. Roman when I scolded him for deliberately throwing a ball very hard at Katya's face and hurting her. I forced him to apologize and he was probably embarrassed. So he was sad for about 10 minutes. I rubbed his back until he started to cheer up. He got over it, though, like it never happened.
We had ideas about the causes of their behavior (basically their circumstances, anxiety over change, communication issues, rejection issues, wondering if we will give them up if they behave badly, plus normal kid syndrome), but we weren't sure and wanted confirmation from you people with experience. We got the same general answers from several people, that it is normal behavior for kids, especially kids in their situation. And they have to get to know us better, develop communication and get a routine established at home.
hai <---- From Katya. She sees me typing. We were talking on the online translator tonight, at her desire, and during that we asked her if there was anything Roman would like to ask or say to us. He nodded, she asked what, and she typed (with the Russian online keyboard into the translator) the following:
So, as you can imagine, along with how the rest of the day went - that made it all worth it.
More when we get home. :) Still have to explain the activities today and what we do tomorrow before we leave.
Love,
Molly
It also helped, we realized, after last night if we were a little more firm with them, and as soon as they got over it we would initiate some sort of nice attention. Playing a game, giving a hug, etc. They started listening right away and stopped pouting.
Today they each pouted once. Roman when I scolded him for deliberately throwing a ball very hard at Katya's face and hurting her. I forced him to apologize and he was probably embarrassed. So he was sad for about 10 minutes. I rubbed his back until he started to cheer up. He got over it, though, like it never happened.
We had ideas about the causes of their behavior (basically their circumstances, anxiety over change, communication issues, rejection issues, wondering if we will give them up if they behave badly, plus normal kid syndrome), but we weren't sure and wanted confirmation from you people with experience. We got the same general answers from several people, that it is normal behavior for kids, especially kids in their situation. And they have to get to know us better, develop communication and get a routine established at home.
hai <---- From Katya. She sees me typing. We were talking on the online translator tonight, at her desire, and during that we asked her if there was anything Roman would like to ask or say to us. He nodded, she asked what, and she typed (with the Russian online keyboard into the translator) the following:
We you very much LOVE.!!!!!!!
We want that you have arrived still we shall wait
We love you
You the kindest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The daddy and mum
So, as you can imagine, along with how the rest of the day went - that made it all worth it.
More when we get home. :) Still have to explain the activities today and what we do tomorrow before we leave.
Love,
Molly
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
And... action!
OK more. My brain is so jumbled right now.
First, about communication. Katya understands a good deal of English. Especially simple phrases. Roman understands less, but she explains it to him. They both use a lot of English words. So between our Russian, their English, and acting everything else out, and using an online translator for more complicated things, we get along communicating day to day stuff really well. It's the deeper explanations that are proving to be difficult. They need a form of discipline that requires a lot of reasoning because of their silly pouting when we tell them no, and we can't do it! It's so frustrating!
After the previous post, we set off to meet the Minister of Social Affairs, or something like that. It was so she could meet us and we could ask questions about the adoption. After that we came back to the hotel to hang out till time to eat dinner. From that point on, we had several ridiculous pouts and temper tantrums over dumb things. "No chocolate before dinner, we're leaving now" - OK that means Roman can lay down and start crying! "No ordering your own food in Russian, look at the price - this price ok (less than 100 kroons, which is about 10 US dollars), this price not ok (130 kroons or 150 kroons, etc.). Ask before you order." That means: order $50USD worth of food, quickly, in Russian, then make us ask the waitress what the heck just happened. Then have her explain to the kids that they will make us run out of money and we've already spent a lot on them, and they have to pick one of the two dishes they ordered and share it. They angrily agreed and said the food was terrible afterwards. I gave them each a half slice of the $8 pizza Jason and I were sharing, since they didn't like their food. I forced them to thank me.
After that we got super strict with them. We started telling them no about nearly everything because of they way they acted at dinner. We made sure they understood that it was the tantrums that get them into trouble, not whatever they were doing before we said the terrible word "no". Since then they seem to be taking us more seriously and behaving better. The last two tantrums were very short and completely overacted. It was clear that it was completely fake. Katya still wanted to hold someone's hand while she went to sleep, even though we had to raise our voices firmly to get them to settle down and go to sleep. (Her roll away bed is on one side of our bed, about a foot away. Roman's bed is along the foot of our bed. Small room!)
I got really upset at the restaurant that they were being so snotty. We called Diana, the adoption agency lady, and she said she would call Igor and explain to him in Russian what was going on, so he could in turn come to help whip them into shape. They know him, like him, and trust him, and Diana says he's great at talking to kids when they are acting up. So we'll see how that helps. We wanted Diana to explain it to Igor in Russian because, believe it our not, his English isn't that great! We can't be too deep with him.
Jason worries most that when they are affectionate (which they are, all the time), that it is insincere and means something to him and nothing to them. That they only care about getting stuff and getting to use the computer. I don't think that's true, but I do think they are sometimes trying to manipulate us. We see through it, at least. But it is hard not to take it personally and feel taken advantage of, and replaceable by any parents who would give them some things.
We'll see how things go tomorrow. I think they need to just adjust to these rules. We found out that in the orphanage they basically get nothing special. Broth to eat EVERY DAY, not even any veggies in it. So when they are out, they get a lot more than they are used to, so they don't understand where the limit is. Everything they get is so amazing, they don't understand why some things are "no" and some things are "yes." And they don't understand money at all.
As far as other trip details - Tallinn is absolutely beautiful. We're staying in "Old Town", which is all cobblestone streets and old gorgeous buildings. It's perfectly clean, and almost everyone is attractive. Only the tourists are ugly. LOL We walk everywhere and it's just great. Can't wait to show you all pictures. We'll post them on here as soon as we can. There are some really great ones. In fact, Katya and Roman have probably taken over 1000 pictures. They hold Jason's Nikon and shoot away while we walk in the town. So we don't have to take pictures and look like tourists. They get everything. And Jason and I take pictures of them playing with each of us. So there are some really good shots!
That's all for now. I could say so much more but unfortunately the only time I have to write, it seems, is late at night. It's after midnight here and I'm exhausted. So I'm off to try to sleep. Jason hasn't slept but maybe 6 hours since last Friday night. I don't know how he's still going, giving piggy back rides and running playing tag for an hour at a time. It's a good thing we're young. Parents the "correct" age for them would not keep up with them.
More tomorrow hopefully. Comments are welcome in regard to the kids behavior. Email me with longer ideas. LOL
Love,
Molly
First, about communication. Katya understands a good deal of English. Especially simple phrases. Roman understands less, but she explains it to him. They both use a lot of English words. So between our Russian, their English, and acting everything else out, and using an online translator for more complicated things, we get along communicating day to day stuff really well. It's the deeper explanations that are proving to be difficult. They need a form of discipline that requires a lot of reasoning because of their silly pouting when we tell them no, and we can't do it! It's so frustrating!
After the previous post, we set off to meet the Minister of Social Affairs, or something like that. It was so she could meet us and we could ask questions about the adoption. After that we came back to the hotel to hang out till time to eat dinner. From that point on, we had several ridiculous pouts and temper tantrums over dumb things. "No chocolate before dinner, we're leaving now" - OK that means Roman can lay down and start crying! "No ordering your own food in Russian, look at the price - this price ok (less than 100 kroons, which is about 10 US dollars), this price not ok (130 kroons or 150 kroons, etc.). Ask before you order." That means: order $50USD worth of food, quickly, in Russian, then make us ask the waitress what the heck just happened. Then have her explain to the kids that they will make us run out of money and we've already spent a lot on them, and they have to pick one of the two dishes they ordered and share it. They angrily agreed and said the food was terrible afterwards. I gave them each a half slice of the $8 pizza Jason and I were sharing, since they didn't like their food. I forced them to thank me.
After that we got super strict with them. We started telling them no about nearly everything because of they way they acted at dinner. We made sure they understood that it was the tantrums that get them into trouble, not whatever they were doing before we said the terrible word "no". Since then they seem to be taking us more seriously and behaving better. The last two tantrums were very short and completely overacted. It was clear that it was completely fake. Katya still wanted to hold someone's hand while she went to sleep, even though we had to raise our voices firmly to get them to settle down and go to sleep. (Her roll away bed is on one side of our bed, about a foot away. Roman's bed is along the foot of our bed. Small room!)
I got really upset at the restaurant that they were being so snotty. We called Diana, the adoption agency lady, and she said she would call Igor and explain to him in Russian what was going on, so he could in turn come to help whip them into shape. They know him, like him, and trust him, and Diana says he's great at talking to kids when they are acting up. So we'll see how that helps. We wanted Diana to explain it to Igor in Russian because, believe it our not, his English isn't that great! We can't be too deep with him.
Jason worries most that when they are affectionate (which they are, all the time), that it is insincere and means something to him and nothing to them. That they only care about getting stuff and getting to use the computer. I don't think that's true, but I do think they are sometimes trying to manipulate us. We see through it, at least. But it is hard not to take it personally and feel taken advantage of, and replaceable by any parents who would give them some things.
We'll see how things go tomorrow. I think they need to just adjust to these rules. We found out that in the orphanage they basically get nothing special. Broth to eat EVERY DAY, not even any veggies in it. So when they are out, they get a lot more than they are used to, so they don't understand where the limit is. Everything they get is so amazing, they don't understand why some things are "no" and some things are "yes." And they don't understand money at all.
As far as other trip details - Tallinn is absolutely beautiful. We're staying in "Old Town", which is all cobblestone streets and old gorgeous buildings. It's perfectly clean, and almost everyone is attractive. Only the tourists are ugly. LOL We walk everywhere and it's just great. Can't wait to show you all pictures. We'll post them on here as soon as we can. There are some really great ones. In fact, Katya and Roman have probably taken over 1000 pictures. They hold Jason's Nikon and shoot away while we walk in the town. So we don't have to take pictures and look like tourists. They get everything. And Jason and I take pictures of them playing with each of us. So there are some really good shots!
That's all for now. I could say so much more but unfortunately the only time I have to write, it seems, is late at night. It's after midnight here and I'm exhausted. So I'm off to try to sleep. Jason hasn't slept but maybe 6 hours since last Friday night. I don't know how he's still going, giving piggy back rides and running playing tag for an hour at a time. It's a good thing we're young. Parents the "correct" age for them would not keep up with them.
More tomorrow hopefully. Comments are welcome in regard to the kids behavior. Email me with longer ideas. LOL
Love,
Molly
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