Reassuringly unassured.

Not much going on lately... We got another email from the kids this morning, but it was only a one word answer (da = yes), in response to whether they liked the pictures we sent them from the trip. It can be a little disappointing at times that they don't say more in their emails, because they are capable of it, and we know they probably spend much of their internet time on limpa.ru website, posting comments at length to who-knows-who on there. Especially after the long letters we take the time to handwrite and send with a printed translation. Jason already worries that the kids won't be "the way they were" by the time we see them again, and the short emails make that worry worse. That they'll somehow get so much older than 4-6 months older, over the course of 4-6 months. Especially Katya, now being 12 years old. He's worried that by the time she gets here she will be less interested in family and more interested in telephones and parties. I don't think I discovered telephones and parties till I was a little older. And still, she has to learn English and make friends in order for that to happen. It seems, though, that even though there are valid bright sides to adopting older kids - we may already be upset that they are growing up so fast. And they aren't even here yet!

I don't worry really that they will be that much different when we see them. After all, their life's purpose over the last 5 years has been to join a family. I don't think that them not wanting to play tag and get piggy back rides anymore will be the adjustment we have to make, or that they have to make. My biggest concerns have to do with getting them used to the rules here. Like they won't be allowed on limpa.ru anymore. There are bad pictures on there, and mostly - we can't do our job as supervising what's going on on there because we can't read it! It's all Russian. They will not like, and not understand, that rule. I'm sure there will be times they think that "these parents are MEAN"... That's what I'm concerned about... They will have these very important rules enforced right from the start -before we can get them used to trusting that we know what's best and it's for their protection. I don't worry whether they will want to play UNO with their parents sometimes. I think the rules are important for their adjustment, but they won't understand them and we can't explain them that well at first.

But I guess that's why Jason and I work well together. We rarely worry about the same things.

Anyway, I am glad that we get emails from them at all. If they were younger we wouldn't hear that they were even alive and well because they would have no ability to contact us. And I also believe that it is more important for them to be reassured of how much we care about them, than for us to be reassured. They, after all, are the ones that have had to be accepted or rejected; and have been rejected more than accepted.

I very often think back to how I was at that age, and my relationship with my parents. As much as I am so proud of my parents and how they raised me, I'm sure that I got more reassurance from them of their love than I gave them. That is what makes me think that this is the job of the parent. To give more than I'll get back sometimes.

I'll keep you all posted on anything interesting that happens, of course. Stay tuned!

Love,
Molly

PS- I got to see Tabitha and Jeff yesterday!!! Woohoo! They were in NJ for the ASL district convention. They are doing pretty well. They, too, said that the kids look like they could be OUR kids. We don't see any resemblance, but take it as a compliment when we hear it!