Sorry no updates lately. This will be the last update of 2007, I can say that much!
OK... Home study was finally completed about a week ago. Now we are awaiting our I-171 form from the USCIS. I don't know how long that will take to get here but hopefully not long. In the mean time we are going to be getting our other documents all ready to go (notarized). Which means that we are actually sort of seeing a little bit of the distant light at the end of this paperwork preparation tunnel!!
Not much other news to report, I'm afraid. I have heard that people are traveling pretty quickly after their dossier gets submitted. I don't know for sure though! We're still hoping to get to go around April or May or so.
Lately I've been thinking I need to find books to read about the details of child raising that I don't know. Like if we have a four year old... The other day I was thinking while crunching on a mint (quietly, for Jason's sake), "Can a four year old eat a mint? Is that a choking hazard? I wonder if Tristan and Cameron are allowed to chew gum or eat mints... When did I start chewing gum? Has the rule changed since then?" I know it sounds stupid... But I'm trying to think of the "The Things You Don't Think Of Till..." It seems like things like that would come naturally if you have a child from infancy on.
Where is the manual my parents wrote for me for when I have to do their job? This is where they get their revenge. Watching me wallow in my ignorance.
Wait a minute... I was the good kid! Why would they want revenge? There must be some other explanation. I will get to the bottom of this.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
How far along are you?
Not much new lately, but thought I'd update you all on the most recent happenings. Stan-the-social-worker came by on Thursday to go over everything that Dan-the-former-social-worker did. We went over the papers he filled out and the answers to our 3 hour interview back in June to make sure that everything was accurate and Stan could accurately type of our "profile" (our completely written home study). He also said he wanted to get to know us, which I suppose would help him write everything.
It was interesting hearing how Dan heard and wrote our answers. Sometimes what he wrote wasn't exactly what we said, so we had to clarify our answers to Stan.
The whole visit took about an hour and a half, which is good considering the original interview took twice that. On the other hand it shouldn't have been needed because the home study should have been done by now! He said he'd heard lots of complaints from different families Dan had been working with. So I guess we aren't the only ones frustrated by a delay with the home study!
Anyway Stan said he'd have it written within a week or two. I hope that's accurate as a worst case! Positive mental attitude... (!)
We're continuing to gather the other documents we need, so we're hoping to get the dossier sent out by the end of the year. I don't know how long it'll take to get the I-171 form from the USCIS (approval from the gov't to adopt - after receiving our initial I-600A form, fingerprints, and home study). But by the time we get that we should have everything else. Then we'll be moving right along.
I was talking to SuSu earlier about how long it seems to be taking. I told her we might be going to Ukraine in the spring sometime, but not sure when. I said maybe March or April. She said that seems so soon. I reminded her that we started this back in June, so it seems like it's taking a while since we're still relatively early in the task list. She said if we were having a biological child it'd still take 9 months to get there. So we counted June to March - 9 months. So I guess even cynical SuSu (she admits it, I can call her that) can help others look at the bright side sometimes. :)
After that the conversation was all downhill, joking about the "conception" of the process back in June, after a very romantic night of watching Dateline about a family that adopted, and a whole lot of research on the internet. LOL
Until the next eagerly anticipated update...
Love,
Molly
It was interesting hearing how Dan heard and wrote our answers. Sometimes what he wrote wasn't exactly what we said, so we had to clarify our answers to Stan.
The whole visit took about an hour and a half, which is good considering the original interview took twice that. On the other hand it shouldn't have been needed because the home study should have been done by now! He said he'd heard lots of complaints from different families Dan had been working with. So I guess we aren't the only ones frustrated by a delay with the home study!
Anyway Stan said he'd have it written within a week or two. I hope that's accurate as a worst case! Positive mental attitude... (!)
We're continuing to gather the other documents we need, so we're hoping to get the dossier sent out by the end of the year. I don't know how long it'll take to get the I-171 form from the USCIS (approval from the gov't to adopt - after receiving our initial I-600A form, fingerprints, and home study). But by the time we get that we should have everything else. Then we'll be moving right along.
I was talking to SuSu earlier about how long it seems to be taking. I told her we might be going to Ukraine in the spring sometime, but not sure when. I said maybe March or April. She said that seems so soon. I reminded her that we started this back in June, so it seems like it's taking a while since we're still relatively early in the task list. She said if we were having a biological child it'd still take 9 months to get there. So we counted June to March - 9 months. So I guess even cynical SuSu (she admits it, I can call her that) can help others look at the bright side sometimes. :)
After that the conversation was all downhill, joking about the "conception" of the process back in June, after a very romantic night of watching Dateline about a family that adopted, and a whole lot of research on the internet. LOL
Until the next eagerly anticipated update...
Love,
Molly
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Needles and vampires.
OK fans, here's the latest!
As some of you may remember, we have to get a doctor to fill out and sign a medical certificate saying we don't have various diseases and we are healthy enough to adopt. This form seems to require, when you look at it, going to 8 different doctors to get the diagnosis of several things, including mental health, skin diseases, STD's, a narcologist, and a general physician, as well as a TB, HIV and Syphilis test. However what is actually required is to just go to the family doctor, have everything written as "healthy", pending only TB, HIV and Syphilis tests. We didn't have a family doctor, and we weren't sure if there was an easy procedure to find a doctor who would be patient enough to hear all of the requirements in filling out this form (including the various options for notarizing, stamping, certifying, copying, and attaching). So I called some of the doctors in our network for our insurance. Several weren't available for new patient appointments until DECEMBER! Finally, one I called said late November/early December, but in my frustration of hearing that all day I told her why we needed the appointment. She spoke softly, asking me if we could come in October 24th. I did a silent victory dance and gladly accepted the appointment.
So yesterday we went. I knew that the insurance wasn't going to cover the test because that is "preventative care" and they only want to pay for you AFTER you're sick, not before. So the receptionist told me that the visit and tests would probably run us a hundred or two each. Fine, whatever, as long as the stupid form gets filled out!
SO fortunately, the doctor was not only patient, but seemed willing to go above and beyond to make sure she completely understood how to fill out the form, and offered extra steps she could do to make sure Ukraine didn't reject anything (attaching a notarized copy of her medical license, even though that wouldn't be required since the paper would be stamped with the official office stamp and seal, and be notarized itself).
While she was doing this, the nurse came in to tell us that the insurance definitely wouldn't cover the tests, and that in addition to an extra "draw fee" they'd have to charge us to take the blood and send it to the lab, the test through them and their lab for HIV was like $378!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EACH!!! I told her I was glad she'd already taken my BP because I was sure it just went up.
The doctor was even shocked. So they though we could go directly to the lab instead of having them draw it in the doctor's office, and that would be cheaper. They gave us phone numbers of literally 20 or more labs we could call. They were going to call for us, and I offered to do it later that day.
Then, with the nurse and doctor brainstorming on our behalf, they decided we should just go to the Allentown Health Bureau, since we all (including the doctor) were demanding that $378 for an HIV test was insane, especially considering that it ought to be easy to get since the general population with a fear of infection won't spend that kind of money.
The doctor said she didn't care how we got proof of not being infected, as long as there was a print out to look at she didn't care if we went to a free clinic and got the stupid test.
So we went to Allentown Health Bureau today and after answering questions about our "preferences" and "history" with drugs and private life that could potentially indicate likelihood of infection, we paid exactly $0 for us both to have our blood drawn, by a nurse lady who was nicknamed "the Vampire". (Jason didn't nearly faint this time like he did the last time he had blood drawn. Don't tell him I told you.)
We have to wait till next Thursday to get the results, but it's not like we're worried about them! So we'll gladly wait an extra week to save more than $700.
In the meantime, my first TB test (that I remember) appears to be negative. So that's good. Jay's too, but he's been tested several times before.
Both tests - no fun. But they're done. :)
All for now!
Love,
Molly
As some of you may remember, we have to get a doctor to fill out and sign a medical certificate saying we don't have various diseases and we are healthy enough to adopt. This form seems to require, when you look at it, going to 8 different doctors to get the diagnosis of several things, including mental health, skin diseases, STD's, a narcologist, and a general physician, as well as a TB, HIV and Syphilis test. However what is actually required is to just go to the family doctor, have everything written as "healthy", pending only TB, HIV and Syphilis tests. We didn't have a family doctor, and we weren't sure if there was an easy procedure to find a doctor who would be patient enough to hear all of the requirements in filling out this form (including the various options for notarizing, stamping, certifying, copying, and attaching). So I called some of the doctors in our network for our insurance. Several weren't available for new patient appointments until DECEMBER! Finally, one I called said late November/early December, but in my frustration of hearing that all day I told her why we needed the appointment. She spoke softly, asking me if we could come in October 24th. I did a silent victory dance and gladly accepted the appointment.
So yesterday we went. I knew that the insurance wasn't going to cover the test because that is "preventative care" and they only want to pay for you AFTER you're sick, not before. So the receptionist told me that the visit and tests would probably run us a hundred or two each. Fine, whatever, as long as the stupid form gets filled out!
SO fortunately, the doctor was not only patient, but seemed willing to go above and beyond to make sure she completely understood how to fill out the form, and offered extra steps she could do to make sure Ukraine didn't reject anything (attaching a notarized copy of her medical license, even though that wouldn't be required since the paper would be stamped with the official office stamp and seal, and be notarized itself).
While she was doing this, the nurse came in to tell us that the insurance definitely wouldn't cover the tests, and that in addition to an extra "draw fee" they'd have to charge us to take the blood and send it to the lab, the test through them and their lab for HIV was like $378!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EACH!!! I told her I was glad she'd already taken my BP because I was sure it just went up.
The doctor was even shocked. So they though we could go directly to the lab instead of having them draw it in the doctor's office, and that would be cheaper. They gave us phone numbers of literally 20 or more labs we could call. They were going to call for us, and I offered to do it later that day.
Then, with the nurse and doctor brainstorming on our behalf, they decided we should just go to the Allentown Health Bureau, since we all (including the doctor) were demanding that $378 for an HIV test was insane, especially considering that it ought to be easy to get since the general population with a fear of infection won't spend that kind of money.
The doctor said she didn't care how we got proof of not being infected, as long as there was a print out to look at she didn't care if we went to a free clinic and got the stupid test.
So we went to Allentown Health Bureau today and after answering questions about our "preferences" and "history" with drugs and private life that could potentially indicate likelihood of infection, we paid exactly $0 for us both to have our blood drawn, by a nurse lady who was nicknamed "the Vampire". (Jason didn't nearly faint this time like he did the last time he had blood drawn. Don't tell him I told you.)
We have to wait till next Thursday to get the results, but it's not like we're worried about them! So we'll gladly wait an extra week to save more than $700.
In the meantime, my first TB test (that I remember) appears to be negative. So that's good. Jay's too, but he's been tested several times before.
Both tests - no fun. But they're done. :)
All for now!
Love,
Molly
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Ready... Set.... WAIT!!!!!!
Sorry it's been so long, again! We haven't had really anything to write about since August. Here's a stab at an update, though.
First of all, after waiting and waiting to hear from Dan-the-social-worker and never getting return emails or calls from him about the status of our home study and whether he'd gotten our references back yet, I got a hold of some other guy at his agency (STAN-the-social-worker). He let me know that Dan is no longer there. Nice of someone to call us, huh? So here it is two months after the home study should have been done, and here's the best part: he says "Well I have your folder here"... after spelling Jason's last name about 200 times, give or take... "but it's empty. So we might have to start over." My response was, "Okay... No... What?" So after my verbally apparent shock, he transferred me to Dan's old secretary, who promptly interrupted my distraught speech to tell me she had our file and she'd help me get everything finished. They had not received any reference letters back, which I'd suspected because no one said they got anything. So I sent her the references addresses again, and she sent the forms out that day. So far everyone has had them since Thursday so hopefully they will be quick at sending them back (this means YOU Stacey, Val, Josh, Rachel and SuSu!).
THEN apparently Dan never did send in this application for the letter we never received from the gov't (child abuse clearance - the reason we needed addresses we've lived in since 1975). So we have to resend that form and wait again for that letter.
So things are getting back on track, slowly.
We have an appointment on the 24th at our new family doctor (which we've not needed for years and years and years till now, and still don't need other than the fact that we have to get a form signed saying we're healthy) to get our medical exam certificate for our adoption dossier.
(FYI "Dossier"= the packet of stuff that goes to Ukraine. Sounds like how it's spelled, if you're French.)
Getting the appointment with the doctor was tough. Most doctor offices don't have new patient appointments available until December! This particular office had a nice receptionist who I think squeezed us in soon because I told her why we needed it. Plus that particular office seems to be familiar with the "adoption certificate" thing that doctors occasionally get asked to fill out.
Other than that, we did our fingerprints for our original application to the USCIS (US Citizen's and Immigration Service) the other day in Philly, with a 3 hour drive home in rush hour from there! :)
(I don't mean to only be complaining... let's see if I can get more positive...)
So good news is things are finally getting done!
Oh wait... More bad news...
As most of you know, August wiped out all of our adoption savings because we had the first ever deficit financially in probably over a year. And it was a big one! So even if there had been no delays, we would have been delayed on the next step because of that anyway. We'd be sitting here with a complete dossier, ready for it to go to Ukraine, but no money for the translator anyway. After we finish getting together the documents and finishing the home study, we will need about $5k for that. Then we wait, and save, for the actual trip.
At this point, with the number of documents and things that are going to take at least a month or two to arrive still, and also saving, I estimate we probably won't be traveling until spring. :( Probably March, if I had to guess. If we had the full $12-14k now, it'd be quicker, but who does?!
OK back to good news... October is going pretty well with $. We are still trying to see if we'll have time at the end of the month to go to SC for a fishing/visiting trip. Trying to pack as many people into the next couple weeks for programs so we can get out of town at the end of the month if possible.
Still an adventure! Fortunately there is a huge resource of people online that have been through this whole process who are always happy to immediately answer questions. The hardest part for me, I think, is that it's hard to stay focused on it when there are so many times that I have to start and stop and wait, and start again. When I have my mind on something that I want to do, I like to work on it until it's done (only things I WANT to do, though. Everything else I procrastinate.). But with this I can work all day on it and feel like I accomplished a lot, and tomorrow sit here and want to work on it and have nothing that can be done that day!
So you're all updated for now. Hopefully things will go at an even pace now without such a big stall. I've missed the demands for posts from you guys when there are actually things happening!
Love,
Molly
First of all, after waiting and waiting to hear from Dan-the-social-worker and never getting return emails or calls from him about the status of our home study and whether he'd gotten our references back yet, I got a hold of some other guy at his agency (STAN-the-social-worker). He let me know that Dan is no longer there. Nice of someone to call us, huh? So here it is two months after the home study should have been done, and here's the best part: he says "Well I have your folder here"... after spelling Jason's last name about 200 times, give or take... "but it's empty. So we might have to start over." My response was, "Okay... No... What?" So after my verbally apparent shock, he transferred me to Dan's old secretary, who promptly interrupted my distraught speech to tell me she had our file and she'd help me get everything finished. They had not received any reference letters back, which I'd suspected because no one said they got anything. So I sent her the references addresses again, and she sent the forms out that day. So far everyone has had them since Thursday so hopefully they will be quick at sending them back (this means YOU Stacey, Val, Josh, Rachel and SuSu!).
THEN apparently Dan never did send in this application for the letter we never received from the gov't (child abuse clearance - the reason we needed addresses we've lived in since 1975). So we have to resend that form and wait again for that letter.
So things are getting back on track, slowly.
We have an appointment on the 24th at our new family doctor (which we've not needed for years and years and years till now, and still don't need other than the fact that we have to get a form signed saying we're healthy) to get our medical exam certificate for our adoption dossier.
(FYI "Dossier"= the packet of stuff that goes to Ukraine. Sounds like how it's spelled, if you're French.)
Getting the appointment with the doctor was tough. Most doctor offices don't have new patient appointments available until December! This particular office had a nice receptionist who I think squeezed us in soon because I told her why we needed it. Plus that particular office seems to be familiar with the "adoption certificate" thing that doctors occasionally get asked to fill out.
Other than that, we did our fingerprints for our original application to the USCIS (US Citizen's and Immigration Service) the other day in Philly, with a 3 hour drive home in rush hour from there! :)
(I don't mean to only be complaining... let's see if I can get more positive...)
So good news is things are finally getting done!
Oh wait... More bad news...
As most of you know, August wiped out all of our adoption savings because we had the first ever deficit financially in probably over a year. And it was a big one! So even if there had been no delays, we would have been delayed on the next step because of that anyway. We'd be sitting here with a complete dossier, ready for it to go to Ukraine, but no money for the translator anyway. After we finish getting together the documents and finishing the home study, we will need about $5k for that. Then we wait, and save, for the actual trip.
At this point, with the number of documents and things that are going to take at least a month or two to arrive still, and also saving, I estimate we probably won't be traveling until spring. :( Probably March, if I had to guess. If we had the full $12-14k now, it'd be quicker, but who does?!
OK back to good news... October is going pretty well with $. We are still trying to see if we'll have time at the end of the month to go to SC for a fishing/visiting trip. Trying to pack as many people into the next couple weeks for programs so we can get out of town at the end of the month if possible.
Still an adventure! Fortunately there is a huge resource of people online that have been through this whole process who are always happy to immediately answer questions. The hardest part for me, I think, is that it's hard to stay focused on it when there are so many times that I have to start and stop and wait, and start again. When I have my mind on something that I want to do, I like to work on it until it's done (only things I WANT to do, though. Everything else I procrastinate.). But with this I can work all day on it and feel like I accomplished a lot, and tomorrow sit here and want to work on it and have nothing that can be done that day!
So you're all updated for now. Hopefully things will go at an even pace now without such a big stall. I've missed the demands for posts from you guys when there are actually things happening!
Love,
Molly
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Lord knows why.
Now that we're back in the state, and the country, for now, we can get back on track! It's hard to keep things going quickly when you have a computer break down on you, wait for a new one, and go on two trips close together. But aside from the black eye I got from a kid's foot in the ocean, I can't complain about the traveling. It is something I really enjoy about the summer, even if jelly fish love me and bruises are always plentiful no matter where I am! Even my knee got to know the steps of the front porch of our Chincoteague rental house.
A friend asked me today if a toe can be sprained. I told her if it could, I think I would have done it.
Anyway, Dan-the-social-worker is coming on Monday for his walk-through visit. The criminal clearance letter came through, and we're waiting for one more letter to come to us directly for something (I forget what). We're finishing up on references (so those of you who are on the reference list should be hearing from him soon if you haven't already). Home study should be done by the end of the month I'd say. So we're getting there! We could actually use the delay financially though. August and September are typically slower months and our IRA plummeted drastically in the last three weeks. HORRIBLY. Not that we were going to use that anyway, but it's still discouraging as far as money is concerned. We still have a lot to save before we can do the next big step of paying our translator. And then a lot more to save in the 3-5 months following while we wait to go to Ukraine.
The biggest thing that was on my mind today is more related to other peoples' adoption stories. I read several other adoption blogs, and while it is nice that so many people seem to involve God in their decisions and lives - as thoroughly as they can, their opinions of God's hand in their lives is quite... different than mine. I thought about writing to a couple of them to ask their opinion on a couple scriptures that seem to conflict with what they've said, having noted their opinions through their blogs, but it's a little more direct than I like to be generally. And since a lot of non-friends and family tend to end up on our blog and read what I write, I will mention no names. But I will try to briefly compare viewpoints so you understand why I shake my head in sympathy at some of these soon to be adopters.
As some of you probably have come across many times before, it seems that many people believe that if something goes great in your life, God worked that out for you. If something goes bad in your life, God is trying to teach you something. And if you make a good decision, God put that decision into your heart. And if something goes wrong, throwing it in God's hands means that God will work it out for you and if he doesn't, he has his reasons and it's wrong (and faithless) to question why things go wrong. It makes me feel bad for people who believe this as part of their strong faith. To me it's not much of a comfort mechanism, although I suppose that's what they feel like it achieves. To me, what the Bible teaches is much more comforting. I don't really understand what particular scriptures make them think that God micro-manages their lives?
As most of you who read this know, the Bible teaches that God wants to helps us cope with our problems, and will help us if you ask for it, but will not necessarily take our problems away. He does not cause our problems, and especially not to teach us something. (James 1:13) Though God created the world and everything else, the world is lying in Satan's power currently (for reasons that are a whole-nuther-subject), so he causes our problems. Not God. (1 John 5:19, John 12:31, John 14:30) The other thing that causes our problems is time and unforeseen occurrence. (Ecc. 9:11) In other words, sometimes things just HAPPEN. Things that are inconvenient, or even awful. NOT everything happens for a reason, and the Bible says so.
I think why the alternate viewpoints nearly irritate me is that when people think that God manages such details in their lives so individually, that when things go wrong, whether they realize or not they are blaming God. Even if they say they are just putting it in God's hands and not worrying about it, that He will work out their problem when He is ready (or they may someday come to understand the wisdom of God for putting them through this issue), they think God is for some reason causing it. Not just allowing it. And I feel bad for the people that they don't understand what a few minutes of proof from the Bible and real listening would solve. And it would give them real comfort about even bigger issues...
Knowing the reasons why the world is the way it is (imperfect and sometimes evil), and why God allows it to be that way for now, I think is one of the most comforting truths someone can learn and so few people seem to really know. But not everyone wants to know, they're happy with their comfort mechanism even if there is no real scriptural backup for it. It's just what they've always believed. They maybe can't wrap their brain around the difference between God caring for, paying attention to, and loving them verses arranging every detail of their lives. So that's why I thought I would just write it here so those who want to read it can and those don't, won't be forced to get annoyed at someone disagreeing with their firm beliefs by reading these things in a well-meaning email to them.
That was adoption related, right?
Love,
Molly
A friend asked me today if a toe can be sprained. I told her if it could, I think I would have done it.
Anyway, Dan-the-social-worker is coming on Monday for his walk-through visit. The criminal clearance letter came through, and we're waiting for one more letter to come to us directly for something (I forget what). We're finishing up on references (so those of you who are on the reference list should be hearing from him soon if you haven't already). Home study should be done by the end of the month I'd say. So we're getting there! We could actually use the delay financially though. August and September are typically slower months and our IRA plummeted drastically in the last three weeks. HORRIBLY. Not that we were going to use that anyway, but it's still discouraging as far as money is concerned. We still have a lot to save before we can do the next big step of paying our translator. And then a lot more to save in the 3-5 months following while we wait to go to Ukraine.
The biggest thing that was on my mind today is more related to other peoples' adoption stories. I read several other adoption blogs, and while it is nice that so many people seem to involve God in their decisions and lives - as thoroughly as they can, their opinions of God's hand in their lives is quite... different than mine. I thought about writing to a couple of them to ask their opinion on a couple scriptures that seem to conflict with what they've said, having noted their opinions through their blogs, but it's a little more direct than I like to be generally. And since a lot of non-friends and family tend to end up on our blog and read what I write, I will mention no names. But I will try to briefly compare viewpoints so you understand why I shake my head in sympathy at some of these soon to be adopters.
As some of you probably have come across many times before, it seems that many people believe that if something goes great in your life, God worked that out for you. If something goes bad in your life, God is trying to teach you something. And if you make a good decision, God put that decision into your heart. And if something goes wrong, throwing it in God's hands means that God will work it out for you and if he doesn't, he has his reasons and it's wrong (and faithless) to question why things go wrong. It makes me feel bad for people who believe this as part of their strong faith. To me it's not much of a comfort mechanism, although I suppose that's what they feel like it achieves. To me, what the Bible teaches is much more comforting. I don't really understand what particular scriptures make them think that God micro-manages their lives?
As most of you who read this know, the Bible teaches that God wants to helps us cope with our problems, and will help us if you ask for it, but will not necessarily take our problems away. He does not cause our problems, and especially not to teach us something. (James 1:13) Though God created the world and everything else, the world is lying in Satan's power currently (for reasons that are a whole-nuther-subject), so he causes our problems. Not God. (1 John 5:19, John 12:31, John 14:30) The other thing that causes our problems is time and unforeseen occurrence. (Ecc. 9:11) In other words, sometimes things just HAPPEN. Things that are inconvenient, or even awful. NOT everything happens for a reason, and the Bible says so.
I think why the alternate viewpoints nearly irritate me is that when people think that God manages such details in their lives so individually, that when things go wrong, whether they realize or not they are blaming God. Even if they say they are just putting it in God's hands and not worrying about it, that He will work out their problem when He is ready (or they may someday come to understand the wisdom of God for putting them through this issue), they think God is for some reason causing it. Not just allowing it. And I feel bad for the people that they don't understand what a few minutes of proof from the Bible and real listening would solve. And it would give them real comfort about even bigger issues...
Knowing the reasons why the world is the way it is (imperfect and sometimes evil), and why God allows it to be that way for now, I think is one of the most comforting truths someone can learn and so few people seem to really know. But not everyone wants to know, they're happy with their comfort mechanism even if there is no real scriptural backup for it. It's just what they've always believed. They maybe can't wrap their brain around the difference between God caring for, paying attention to, and loving them verses arranging every detail of their lives. So that's why I thought I would just write it here so those who want to read it can and those don't, won't be forced to get annoyed at someone disagreeing with their firm beliefs by reading these things in a well-meaning email to them.
That was adoption related, right?
Love,
Molly
Thursday, July 26, 2007
All the better to eat blueberries with, my dear
Just wanted to post these funny shots of Mr. Nibbles. 
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Part Two
So after traveling along Lake Superior for a day and a half total, on $5 per gallon gas anytime we can to anything remotely resembling a town, we stopped in Thunder Bay, ON. Pretty big town as far as that area is concerned. About 115k people I think the sign said. It was still Eastern Time Zone there, so it didn't get "dark" till about 11pm. This is a picture of the cloudy night time sky at about that time from our hotel window.
On Thursday we traveled the remaining 350 miles northwest to Red Lake. We went through the last "real" town (meaning it had a Wal-Mart) about 2 1/2 hours before we got to Red Lake. Red Lake is a little gold and coal mining town with about 4000 residents. And a Kingdom Hall, believe it or not! And it's the last town before there are no more roads (except a logging road used for log trucks only, and only for a short distance north), no more houses, nothing. Except the outpost lake cabins, of course.
We spent Thursday night and Friday in Red Lake, relaxing at the hotel after the long drive. We shopped for our groceries for the cabin and packed them in our spare duffel bag. We listened to the natives, who really do say "eh" and awful lot! I thought I might start sounding like them after awhile. "Eh" really is quite a useful word. It seems to mean "huh", "what?", "you know?", "and stuff", and several other things. One lady, who owns the only pizza place in town, told us after I asked that "It doesn't get that cold here in the winter... Sometimes about 40 below, eh, but it's sunny, eh." I think she says it that way ("not that cold") just to get a reaction out of the foreigners. Which she got.
Saturday morning we had to get to the fly out place on Red Lake by 7am. They weighed our stuff. It was 144 lbs for both of us, and we had to be under 200. We could have brought more stuff! More on what we wish we had later.
The flight on the Otter was what Jason looked forward to most, I think. And it didn't disappoint. It wasn't the slightest bit scary, and it was gorgeous. Jay sat in the cockpit and I sat on a bench along the right side windows. I took a bunch of pictures, but mostly I like the ones that were like this. They are labeled in my folder as "TheEarth".
Nothing but water and trees. What we expected to see, but much more impressive than can be imagined.
When we got dropped off at our cabin, there was a middle-aged couple there that was just leaving. They warned us that they didn't catch many fish so they couldn't recommend any good spots. :( The wife gave us a tour of the cabin, shower house and outhouse. She wouldn't go closer than about 15 feet from the outhouse and explained that she found other means of... you know... She just couldn't use the outhouse. I, by the way, managed to use it by spraying the supplied fly killer everywhere before entering the outhouse, which made a nice smell and kept things from flying up at me from the hole. We are supposed to be roughing it at least a little, right?
I was really looking forward to the night time there to see what it was like, being completely alone, just us, deafeningly quiet, and what I thought would be somewhat terrifying. Actually it was wonderful. It was a little cool the first couple nights so we (Jason) built a fire in the wood stove to heat up the cabin for the night. We slept to the sound of crackles and an occasional loon bird howling in the distance.
It doesn't really get dark there this time of year. It was mostly dark at about 3am (think 9:30pm around here), and started getting light again at 4am. That helped things not be scary. We never awoke to a bear or anything trying to get us, so all went fine. The only occasional issue was an unmistakable bbbsssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz by our ear. The mosquitos were bad. One night we could actually hear them swarming outside. I was regularly seen walking around with a mosquito coil smoking between my fingers. Anyone who had seen me would have thought I picked up a nasty habit. We went through an entire can of bug spray in the 5 days we were there.
The fishing was bad for a good bit of the days. We had a couple good days where we caught 15-20 in 8 hours of fishing. All together we caught 60 fish. Jason bought a fancy fillet knife for the trip so we could eat some of the Walleye, and every time we caught one that was small enough to keep and eat (we had to throw back anything over 18", as if they'd ever know), I'd feel sorry for it and we'd throw it back. Once, while one lay huffing and flopping by my feet, I started crying. How would I feel if I was about to eat something and suddenly was terrified and couldn't breathe?
So we ate the very last Walleye we caught on day 5, and that was it. I talked myself into it. It was pretty good, but I'm not a big fish person anyway so I was happy only killing one fish. LOL
The biggest Pike we caught was about 26 inches I think, and Walleye about 24 inches. Nothing too huge. One day we only caught 2 fish. We started catching more when we went over to a portage lake, which means we parked the boat along the bank and walked to another little lake where they had a canoe set up. So we did get some exercise that week - rowing the canoe.
Storms roll in suddenly out there. We'd be basking in the sun and suddenly hear thunder. We had to race back to the cabin and were guaranteed to still be soaking wet by the time we got there. In the next post I will have some of my favorite pictures. One is of a storm that had just passed over a little while before. Several were cloud formations and extremely calm water following a storm.
We got picked up and dropped off in Red Lake without any issues at all. The only injuries were gigantic mosquito bites. I had one on my ankle where the welt was about 6 inches across and the whole thing itched. I had one behind my ear and one on my jaw bone that are STILL THERE and still itch occasionally.
We drove back to Thunder Bay and then decided to head home through US to save on gas. We saved $200 that way! We traveled through Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio and then to PA. Even though we only traveled 6 hours the first day back to Thunder Bay, we drove the remaining 24 hours straight through. We wanted to just get home. Jay actually drank coffee (GASP!) so he could drive when it was dark. I can't do that. I had coffee too and still abruptly got sleepy when it got dark. We got home Saturday morning around 9am.
The time zones changed on us in weird ways- it is Eastern time in Thunder Bay, Central time in the US south of there. So when we went home, we went from Eastern to Central and back to Eastern. My cell phone didn't know WHAT was going on. At one point it was three hours off.
Anyway, that's about all for the stories. If I can think of anything else I'll put up a new post.
Oh yeah - the tally for the wildlife that we saw is 4 moose (two on the road during the trip, two crossing Shearstone lake), two bald eagles (one in a tree near Red Lake, one flying overhead at Shearstone), a black bear on the road, a snapping turtle on the road, and a caribou. The caribou was in the water and as we motored over toward it we scared it half to death as it tried to get out of the water and back onto the land. Also we saw a CUTE red squirrel that moved into the eaves of the cabin the morning we left.
On to part three!
Without Further Adu - Part One
Sorry for the long wait, loyal blog fans. Here is Part One of the summary of our trip to Canada. More to come. First of all, as most of you know, we drove two and a half days to Red Lake, Ontario. We drove through Niagara Falls, Toronto, and stayed in Sudbury the first night (Tuesday). Then we drove along Lake Superior to Thunder Bay the second night. Then we arrived in Red Lake Thursday night, stayed the next day to relax and grocery shop. Saturday morning we got flown out in the Otter plane to our cabin on Shearstone Lake. Details: Going through customs was completely uneventful in a good way. We didn't even need the birth certificates I worked so hard to get. ::rolls eyes:: In Toronto we hit 2 hours of traffic. We stopped at a place called Swiss Chalet and after eating a pretty good chicken filled dinner, we received these:  I'm sure the server, before she abruptly left the table without any explanation to us poor Americans, must've seen the giant cartoon question marks over our heads. After determining that the water was warm, and it wasn't exactly a "cup", it must not be to drink, and therefore must be to wash our fingers (etc.) with. So I did. It was nice, and warm, and lemony. My napkin was dipped, mouth and fingers got good and clean. Jason's remained untouched. Don't know if that is a Swiss Chalet thing, or a Canada thing, but that's the last time we saw the weird water lemon bowls. After the delay, we got to Sudbury at about 11:30pm. I got us a good deal on a hotel (after hunting through 3 or 4 of them for the best deal) from a guy at the desk who seemed to feel sorry for me that it was so late and I moaned and groaned about the price for a few seconds. Wednesday, traveling along Lake Superior, was probably the prettiest drive we've ever been on. It was a beautiful day. Beautiful views of the lake, mountains, trees, and occasional feathers of flog-smoke-clouds laying in the clevises of the hills and water.  On to Part 2! |
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Back from the wild, eh?
OK OK! I'll post an update. :) I have to say, I kind of like this high demand. Thank you!
So there isn't much new with the adoption since we had to temporarily turn our focus to the Canada trip, which we did in fact survive! We got back last Saturday. I haven't uploaded the pictures into my computer yet, but when I do I'll post some on here. Got some really nice shots at the lake.
Adoption-wise, in the next couple weeks we'll be finishing up the home study, I hope. As things happen with that, I'll let you know. I have to finish up the references list for Dan-the-social-worker. Which means I have to talk to a couple people still! I'm supposed to talk to Stacey tomorrow to give her the update (I haven't talked to her really in a long time so she doesn't know yet, but I'll tell her then! I've been aching to tell her, although wondering what she'll REALLY think. She hates kids *ts {sorry to those of you who don't know what "*ts" is, it's an old joke}).
Tomorrow I also get to go to NYC to visit Tabitha, who is visiting there following her district convention in Jersey City. SuSu is going with me. Looking forward to seeing Tabitha again, our friendship never seems to change no matter how much time goes by.
Anyway, back to the Canada trip. Per the suggestion of a few of you, I'll just write about it on here vs. sending out a big email or setting up another blog just to cover that. So on this subject, the blog will be non-adoption related! I'll write that in a new post. I want to upload the pictures to include along with the story.
More soon! Love you all!
Molly
So there isn't much new with the adoption since we had to temporarily turn our focus to the Canada trip, which we did in fact survive! We got back last Saturday. I haven't uploaded the pictures into my computer yet, but when I do I'll post some on here. Got some really nice shots at the lake.
Adoption-wise, in the next couple weeks we'll be finishing up the home study, I hope. As things happen with that, I'll let you know. I have to finish up the references list for Dan-the-social-worker. Which means I have to talk to a couple people still! I'm supposed to talk to Stacey tomorrow to give her the update (I haven't talked to her really in a long time so she doesn't know yet, but I'll tell her then! I've been aching to tell her, although wondering what she'll REALLY think. She hates kids *ts {sorry to those of you who don't know what "*ts" is, it's an old joke}).
Tomorrow I also get to go to NYC to visit Tabitha, who is visiting there following her district convention in Jersey City. SuSu is going with me. Looking forward to seeing Tabitha again, our friendship never seems to change no matter how much time goes by.
Anyway, back to the Canada trip. Per the suggestion of a few of you, I'll just write about it on here vs. sending out a big email or setting up another blog just to cover that. So on this subject, the blog will be non-adoption related! I'll write that in a new post. I want to upload the pictures to include along with the story.
More soon! Love you all!
Molly
Friday, June 15, 2007
Do I know me?
Sorry for the delay!
OK so what's new.... Well the guy came on Wednesday for the first part of the home study. He sat at our kitchen table for three hours to mainly ask questions about our families, their ages, names, where we went to school, any nieces or nephews, etc. He said that part was easy because we're relatively young and a lot of people have dozens of them! (Not that you guys should go having MORE kids.) Then asked questions about our relationships with our siblings and our parents, how we were raised, what's most important to us in raising children, what we think our parents did well and not well. I bet you wish I was going to stop here and tell you what we said! Muahahaha!
At one point he asked us what each of us consider a stressful situation. Up to that point he'd asked Jason all questions first, and I got to think about my answer in the meantime. This time, he asked me first. I was stumped. To kill the silence and the imaginary sound of crickets, closely followed by the Jeopardy song, I commented on how family calls me un-stress-out-able. Unflappable is Dad's word for me. I quickly amended it with a mention of the fact that surely, some things do bother me and make me feel stressed. An extreme lack of needed money, for instance, would stress anyone out.... But, I continued with a confused expression, that too was not that big of a deal. I could always stay calm and figure things out, for the most part, typically, usually, really. Seems like this question and the overall blank confusion is the most stress I've had lately. So I turned to Jay and asked him what he thought really stresses me out. He thought for a minute and I thought for a minute. Finally ("ding!" said the light bulb) I sat up quickly in my chair and looked at Dan, the social worker, eagerly waiting for an answer. I said "OH! I know. When I think someone's mad at me." Jason immediately, as if he just remembered the name of a movie on the tip of his tongue, said "YEAH, THAT'S it." "Really?" Dan asked, as he scribbled doctor handwriting type words on his forms. "Yes, when I think someone's mad or upset with me, or I think I've maybe hurt someone's feelings." Jason continued to concur: "Yeah, even if she thinks she might have and isn't sure." I nodded hysterically. You would have think I needed a tranquilizer. And I didn't even have coffee that day. So then Dan asked how I handle that situation. Do I let it fester or do I deal with it immediately? I adamantly scoffed at the idea of letting something fester and explained that I would have to talk to that person immediately or I wouldn't function till it was handled. He smiled and nodded while he scribbled.
Jason's turn to respond to this tough question... His answer? Simply, fittingly: "Having to answer personal questions." AH! To know yourself so well. He nailed that one! Dan asked why, and Jason tried to explain that it was mainly because of his shy nature and the fact that answering personal questions just isn't something you normally have to do. So it's weird. He has no trouble saying anything in front of people he's gotten to know well and is around often. But otherwise, ehhh.
His other answer was anticipation, such as when he was working at school and the principal would come by in the morning and say "At the end of the day, stop by. I want to talk to you about something." That would drive him nuts all day wondering what he wanted. In the end, it was always illogical to worry, it would always be something silly like a school art project or something. But the anticipation just about gave him a breakdown. Dan noticed how those two things - the anticipation of a social worker coming to ask him personal questions - must've been tough to handle. We all had a big laugh. The dogs barked, startled.
So then we asked him a bunch of questions. I asked a lot about some of the answers he gets from other people. Interesting stories.
All in all it wasn't that huge of an ordeal. Dan is a great social worker, put us at ease as much as possible, and was very nice. He seemed to like us, and we actually had a good time.
So next step is he has to come a second time to walk through the house to make sure we have enough room for a child, basically. Once the home study is completed, it gets sent to USCIS (spoken of in earlier posts) to accompany our previously sent in form and have them approve us. Then we continue gathering papers to send to Ukraine. Shouldn't take much more. A doctor visit and a form, notarized, saying we're healthy. Copies of other stuff, notarized to death. We also have to go get fingerprinted. Ooooh.
Everything seems to be going quickly. I hope we can save $ as fast as it's going...
Lastly, before publishing this post, I want to make clear that it took me just a little longer to write it as it did for you to read it. I don't plan out my funny way of writing, for those of you who tend think about how I express myself, or even tend to marvel my "way with words". ;) It just comes out that way. But... this ability some of you think I have, is NOT how I answered the question "What are you most proud of?" THAT, my favorite people, is a secret between Dan the Social Worker, Jason, and me.
Love,
Molly
OK so what's new.... Well the guy came on Wednesday for the first part of the home study. He sat at our kitchen table for three hours to mainly ask questions about our families, their ages, names, where we went to school, any nieces or nephews, etc. He said that part was easy because we're relatively young and a lot of people have dozens of them! (Not that you guys should go having MORE kids.) Then asked questions about our relationships with our siblings and our parents, how we were raised, what's most important to us in raising children, what we think our parents did well and not well. I bet you wish I was going to stop here and tell you what we said! Muahahaha!
At one point he asked us what each of us consider a stressful situation. Up to that point he'd asked Jason all questions first, and I got to think about my answer in the meantime. This time, he asked me first. I was stumped. To kill the silence and the imaginary sound of crickets, closely followed by the Jeopardy song, I commented on how family calls me un-stress-out-able. Unflappable is Dad's word for me. I quickly amended it with a mention of the fact that surely, some things do bother me and make me feel stressed. An extreme lack of needed money, for instance, would stress anyone out.... But, I continued with a confused expression, that too was not that big of a deal. I could always stay calm and figure things out, for the most part, typically, usually, really. Seems like this question and the overall blank confusion is the most stress I've had lately. So I turned to Jay and asked him what he thought really stresses me out. He thought for a minute and I thought for a minute. Finally ("ding!" said the light bulb) I sat up quickly in my chair and looked at Dan, the social worker, eagerly waiting for an answer. I said "OH! I know. When I think someone's mad at me." Jason immediately, as if he just remembered the name of a movie on the tip of his tongue, said "YEAH, THAT'S it." "Really?" Dan asked, as he scribbled doctor handwriting type words on his forms. "Yes, when I think someone's mad or upset with me, or I think I've maybe hurt someone's feelings." Jason continued to concur: "Yeah, even if she thinks she might have and isn't sure." I nodded hysterically. You would have think I needed a tranquilizer. And I didn't even have coffee that day. So then Dan asked how I handle that situation. Do I let it fester or do I deal with it immediately? I adamantly scoffed at the idea of letting something fester and explained that I would have to talk to that person immediately or I wouldn't function till it was handled. He smiled and nodded while he scribbled.
Jason's turn to respond to this tough question... His answer? Simply, fittingly: "Having to answer personal questions." AH! To know yourself so well. He nailed that one! Dan asked why, and Jason tried to explain that it was mainly because of his shy nature and the fact that answering personal questions just isn't something you normally have to do. So it's weird. He has no trouble saying anything in front of people he's gotten to know well and is around often. But otherwise, ehhh.
His other answer was anticipation, such as when he was working at school and the principal would come by in the morning and say "At the end of the day, stop by. I want to talk to you about something." That would drive him nuts all day wondering what he wanted. In the end, it was always illogical to worry, it would always be something silly like a school art project or something. But the anticipation just about gave him a breakdown. Dan noticed how those two things - the anticipation of a social worker coming to ask him personal questions - must've been tough to handle. We all had a big laugh. The dogs barked, startled.
So then we asked him a bunch of questions. I asked a lot about some of the answers he gets from other people. Interesting stories.
All in all it wasn't that huge of an ordeal. Dan is a great social worker, put us at ease as much as possible, and was very nice. He seemed to like us, and we actually had a good time.
So next step is he has to come a second time to walk through the house to make sure we have enough room for a child, basically. Once the home study is completed, it gets sent to USCIS (spoken of in earlier posts) to accompany our previously sent in form and have them approve us. Then we continue gathering papers to send to Ukraine. Shouldn't take much more. A doctor visit and a form, notarized, saying we're healthy. Copies of other stuff, notarized to death. We also have to go get fingerprinted. Ooooh.
Everything seems to be going quickly. I hope we can save $ as fast as it's going...
Lastly, before publishing this post, I want to make clear that it took me just a little longer to write it as it did for you to read it. I don't plan out my funny way of writing, for those of you who tend think about how I express myself, or even tend to marvel my "way with words". ;) It just comes out that way. But... this ability some of you think I have, is NOT how I answered the question "What are you most proud of?" THAT, my favorite people, is a secret between Dan the Social Worker, Jason, and me.
Love,
Molly
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Can you see the $1600 wave bye bye?!
Our home study is scheduled for tomorrow at 11:30, at least to start. We'll be doing the interview then. As it turns out we need FIVE references from non-family members. Not too hard but a pain to get addresses and phone numbers for five unrelated people who we don't mind asking to talk about us. :) It's a good thing that it doesn't matter if the references are related to each other, we may very well have more than one Hartman, plus SuSu who is 2nd cousin (or something like that) to Rachel.
Thanks for the family who helped us gather our previous residence address from our childhood!
Jason was having me quiz him on some of the questions we could be asked. One I asked was "What race are you?" He thought for a minute and said with a proud smile, "26 miles! Is that right?"
We'll let you know how it goes!
Love,
Molly
Thanks for the family who helped us gather our previous residence address from our childhood!
Jason was having me quiz him on some of the questions we could be asked. One I asked was "What race are you?" He thought for a minute and said with a proud smile, "26 miles! Is that right?"
We'll let you know how it goes!
Love,
Molly
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The microscope
Dad sent me an email to ask what a home study is, and it occurred to me that all of you might be wondering that since I haven't really explained it in much detail. As it happens, of course I'll post the experience, but I'll tell you what I know so far based on what I've been told.
Oddly enough, in order to adopt a child that's already living and living poorly, you have to prove that your home would be a good home for a child. That you can afford to raise one, that your house is suitable living conditions, and that you're responsible. But yet ANYONE can create their own child and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
A home study is done by a social worker that you hire to come to your house for a 3 hour interview that includes questions on everything in your past, current and future life (where you've lived, your relationship with parents and siblings, your marriage quality, your religion, all kinds of stuff). Then they do a walk through your home to make sure you have room for your new child and make sure of the living conditions being suitable. Not that you have to have everything in place yet- child locks, gates, furniture, etc. But they just check the house out.
They look at your tax returns and bank statements. They ask you for every address you've EVER lived in for background checks (which means parents we're going to need help with that). They look at your health insurance plan, and require a certified copy of your birth certificate and marriage license (which I've already ordered extra from SC and NJ for both of us on vitalchek.com).
After it's all done and the report is written up, it's looked over by us for accuracy and sent to the local USCIS (US Citizens and Immigration Services) to go along with our initial form that we sent in the other day. Once they receive all that, they send an approval saying we're acceptable to adopt. Then we gather everything else and send it to Ukraine along with that approval from the USCIS.
Should be happening next week sometime if all goes as planned. Keep you posted!
Love,
Molly
Oddly enough, in order to adopt a child that's already living and living poorly, you have to prove that your home would be a good home for a child. That you can afford to raise one, that your house is suitable living conditions, and that you're responsible. But yet ANYONE can create their own child and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
A home study is done by a social worker that you hire to come to your house for a 3 hour interview that includes questions on everything in your past, current and future life (where you've lived, your relationship with parents and siblings, your marriage quality, your religion, all kinds of stuff). Then they do a walk through your home to make sure you have room for your new child and make sure of the living conditions being suitable. Not that you have to have everything in place yet- child locks, gates, furniture, etc. But they just check the house out.
They look at your tax returns and bank statements. They ask you for every address you've EVER lived in for background checks (which means parents we're going to need help with that). They look at your health insurance plan, and require a certified copy of your birth certificate and marriage license (which I've already ordered extra from SC and NJ for both of us on vitalchek.com).
After it's all done and the report is written up, it's looked over by us for accuracy and sent to the local USCIS (US Citizens and Immigration Services) to go along with our initial form that we sent in the other day. Once they receive all that, they send an approval saying we're acceptable to adopt. Then we gather everything else and send it to Ukraine along with that approval from the USCIS.
Should be happening next week sometime if all goes as planned. Keep you posted!
Love,
Molly
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Orphans great and small
Yesterday Jason and I had to travel to Elizabethtown, PA (about 2 hours away) to pick up dogs for a client. This client, named Candy, has 3 biological children, and NINE adopted children. The nine are from mostly Vietnam I think, and a few other places maybe. She runs a website for an adoption foundation. Still not exactly sure what they do, but I'll be finding out more when she comes to pick up her dogs on the 17th.
As it turned out one of the families in PA that has worked with Cathy Harris before (independent adoption helper mentioned in my first post) lives about 10 minutes from Candy, and offered to have us visit anytime to meet her 5 1/2 year old son she adopted from Ukraine 4 years ago. So since we were going out there anyway, we arranged to stop in for a bit. As soon as we got there, Genya (Ukrainian way for saying "Gene" we found out) can running out toward us with a packet of paper saying "This is about me and my picture from Ukraine!!!" He was so funny. He reminded me a little of Tristan, he had the same way of saying words with L's and R's, too. Very cute. Didn't have Tristan's inflection at the end of his sentences, though (see Volvo commercial with little girl saying "and I don't know what it IIIiiiIs"). But anyway, we sat on Audrie's couch for an hour asking occasional questions but mostly hearing the story of her adoption. Quite interesting! Most of the issues they had were related to travel and lack of food available in the middle of nights and snow storms. Genya had had giardia and some other issues, but he's fine now. He was a normal happy healthy kid.
So then we went to Candy's house to pick up the dogs. I knew she had to be wealthy because not only does she have 12 kids, she talks about the vacation house on the shore that they all go to yearly and her trips to Vietnam yearly, etc. So we are driving along their street looking for the house number 1000 when we see "Brittany's Hope Foundation" sign next to a big colonial house. I said "Oh that must be it, there's the foundation sign." So we passed it looking for a place to turn around and get back to it. As we drive we're passing a big grass field surrounded by a big fence, with nice trees and water and other things. Then we see a GIANT!!! stone house. Jason goes "WHOA! Look at that house. I wanna live THERE!" I admired it too, and noticed the mailbox as we passed. Number 1000, it said. I gasped and told Jason THAT was Candy's house. They in fact own both, and a pool house bigger than our house. Gorgeous place. So we parked next to 7 other cars and went in to look for Lorraine, who is Candy's oldest adopted daughter, 30 years old. Lorraine is watching the 4 youngest while Candy's away with the rest in Vietnam. We couldn't figure out where we should go announce ourselves, so we walked to the back where we saw two beautiful girls (one black, one Asian), waving at us happily. We met the dogs back there with them and were directed inside to a marble and granite covered kitchen where we met Lorraine. We each used a different bathroom, since we'd now been gone from home for 3 1/2 hours, and particularly liked the idea of using their bathrooms (not much different than Andy has to go to the bathroom in any place he goes to check it out). Then we left, still admiring the house ("Stone Gables" as it's called) as we drove away.
We told Lorraine how much we couldn't wait to meet Candy because since I'd talked to her before we'd decided to adopt from Ukraine. She told us how nice that was and congratulated us. I had told Candy when I first talked to her and found out about what she does that Jason and I had talked about adopting internationally before. So anyway, it will be interesting to finally meet her face to face in a couple weeks.
We mailed in our 600A form yesterday, so the next step is getting a home study done. I'll keep you updated.
Love,
Molly
As it turned out one of the families in PA that has worked with Cathy Harris before (independent adoption helper mentioned in my first post) lives about 10 minutes from Candy, and offered to have us visit anytime to meet her 5 1/2 year old son she adopted from Ukraine 4 years ago. So since we were going out there anyway, we arranged to stop in for a bit. As soon as we got there, Genya (Ukrainian way for saying "Gene" we found out) can running out toward us with a packet of paper saying "This is about me and my picture from Ukraine!!!" He was so funny. He reminded me a little of Tristan, he had the same way of saying words with L's and R's, too. Very cute. Didn't have Tristan's inflection at the end of his sentences, though (see Volvo commercial with little girl saying "and I don't know what it IIIiiiIs"). But anyway, we sat on Audrie's couch for an hour asking occasional questions but mostly hearing the story of her adoption. Quite interesting! Most of the issues they had were related to travel and lack of food available in the middle of nights and snow storms. Genya had had giardia and some other issues, but he's fine now. He was a normal happy healthy kid.
So then we went to Candy's house to pick up the dogs. I knew she had to be wealthy because not only does she have 12 kids, she talks about the vacation house on the shore that they all go to yearly and her trips to Vietnam yearly, etc. So we are driving along their street looking for the house number 1000 when we see "Brittany's Hope Foundation" sign next to a big colonial house. I said "Oh that must be it, there's the foundation sign." So we passed it looking for a place to turn around and get back to it. As we drive we're passing a big grass field surrounded by a big fence, with nice trees and water and other things. Then we see a GIANT!!! stone house. Jason goes "WHOA! Look at that house. I wanna live THERE!" I admired it too, and noticed the mailbox as we passed. Number 1000, it said. I gasped and told Jason THAT was Candy's house. They in fact own both, and a pool house bigger than our house. Gorgeous place. So we parked next to 7 other cars and went in to look for Lorraine, who is Candy's oldest adopted daughter, 30 years old. Lorraine is watching the 4 youngest while Candy's away with the rest in Vietnam. We couldn't figure out where we should go announce ourselves, so we walked to the back where we saw two beautiful girls (one black, one Asian), waving at us happily. We met the dogs back there with them and were directed inside to a marble and granite covered kitchen where we met Lorraine. We each used a different bathroom, since we'd now been gone from home for 3 1/2 hours, and particularly liked the idea of using their bathrooms (not much different than Andy has to go to the bathroom in any place he goes to check it out). Then we left, still admiring the house ("Stone Gables" as it's called) as we drove away.
We told Lorraine how much we couldn't wait to meet Candy because since I'd talked to her before we'd decided to adopt from Ukraine. She told us how nice that was and congratulated us. I had told Candy when I first talked to her and found out about what she does that Jason and I had talked about adopting internationally before. So anyway, it will be interesting to finally meet her face to face in a couple weeks.
We mailed in our 600A form yesterday, so the next step is getting a home study done. I'll keep you updated.
Love,
Molly
Monday, June 4, 2007
Decided
We read and read and read, and talked and prayed and read, and called people and wrote people and listened endlessly to stories and advice... And then we added up the number of real reasons not to adopt a child from Ukraine. And the sum of this addition added up to a big fat... fraction. Certainly nothing compared to the big numbers on the "real reasons TO adopt" side. So, as you can see, it's really just a mathematical decision.
;)
So tomorrow our I-600A form gets mailed to US Citizens and Immigration Services along with the first part of our expenses. Next week we start our home study process. Hopefully we'll be able to cover the first few weeks of the process with this month's surplus (assuming there is one based on the current prospectus!).
Something could still occur in the process to cancel the plans, so don't rejoice over niece/nephew/grandchild/little-person-to-babysit yet. As of right now, though... it's a plan.
Thanks again to everyone for your advice and excitement. Makes us feel like we're not alone once this gets really stressful.
Love,
Molly
;)
So tomorrow our I-600A form gets mailed to US Citizens and Immigration Services along with the first part of our expenses. Next week we start our home study process. Hopefully we'll be able to cover the first few weeks of the process with this month's surplus (assuming there is one based on the current prospectus!).
Something could still occur in the process to cancel the plans, so don't rejoice over niece/nephew/grandchild/little-person-to-babysit yet. As of right now, though... it's a plan.
Thanks again to everyone for your advice and excitement. Makes us feel like we're not alone once this gets really stressful.
Love,
Molly
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Words spoken at the right time
Just wanted to post a little note to thank you all for your support and approval so far. It means a lot to have people we care about be all for our decisions, even if they are our decisions. It's a lot easier to have excitement surrounding us rather than excessive worry and tension over what we might decide to do. The responses from you all have been extremely helpful, and some surprisingly positive. It's so nice to hear from other people that this is a good thing to do. Acceptance, approval, and support are things that can technically be gone without in order to get something done, but having them make it so much easier and more enjoyable.
That's not to say that we don't want advice on your concerns or worries about what could go wrong, what to avoid, etc. So if you want to express something, please do.
We love you all and just wanted to say thank you.
Molly
That's not to say that we don't want advice on your concerns or worries about what could go wrong, what to avoid, etc. So if you want to express something, please do.
We love you all and just wanted to say thank you.
Molly
Friday, June 1, 2007
5 days into the research
So, post number one!
First of all, I want you all to know that we haven't made any decision yet - true to our cautious-while-open-minded nature, but we want everyone close to us to be aware of what we're doing and what we decide as we go along. If we decide to do this, we want everyone to be as excited as we will be, and believe that we're doing a good thing.
In my process of researching, I found that so many recent adoption stories are kept track of through a blog, not only for the families' benefit, but for information tracking for the adopters.
Here's what's going on so far, and what has happened up to this point...
Last Sunday night Jason and I were watching Dateline, on purpose because of a story that was to appear. It was about the Salem family, who oddly enough lives about 45 minutes away from us. Several years ago they adopted twin - a boy and a girl - babies from Russia. They wanted to have children that way vs. biologically so they could save a child that already lives. Then later they find out that their children have 4 other brothers and sisters - two other sets of twins. A set of boys and a set of girls. Yes one family with three sets of twins. So they wanted to adopt the other 4 kids to keep them together. It was a very touching story, covering all the ups and downs of international adoption.
Jason and I have thought about and discussed international adoption, particularly from Russia, several times as as option when we were ready. That story got the fire going again and we promptly spent every available minute from that point on researching. It's something we had thought about in the past and decided we'd try to find out if it was even possible now. Back when we talked about it other times it was scrapped as an idea because of the expense. To adopt from Russia it costs at LEAST $30k, usually more like $50k. Just not an option for us. Plus they make it so hard with the process - in fact adoption from Russia is closed to the US currently anyway.
So within a few minutes of research I found out that Ukrainian adoption is not only easier, available, and just as needy, but a lot less money. Still a lot of money, but not nearly as much. It can cost anywhere from $12k to $20k, done independent of an agency (more on that later). We figured out with the fees in our state it would cost probably about $15-18k for us, the range due to the cost of travel/possible extra expenses while in Ukraine being uncertain.
So onward with Ukrainian research we went. We can across Cathy Harris' website (www.Ukrainianangels.org), who helps with independent Ukrainian adoption. Independent means without an agency, which is really the way to go with Ukraine because agencies can't do much for you because of Ukrainian laws. They can't help you once you're there, they just tell you how to prepare your dossier (paperwork for adoption application to be sent to Ukraine), which you can find out on your own, or through someone like Cathy. Cathy helps with anything you need to know and then sets you up with known reliable people in Ukraine (translator, etc.), helps you with your dossier, reviews it for issues and needed changes, and lots of that kind of stuff.
Moving on... Now we needed to really focus on all the pros and cons of doing this so we know if it's entirely emotional or if it's really a good idea. Of course we never do anything just based on stubborn desire, we have to know what we're doing and that it's really going to work. We have to memorize as much as possible about it and justify it to ourselves before we do it, as if we were trying to convince skeptics.
Pros to having a child are obvious and not debated among most, but generally include extra facts such as that the cons to child raising are generally easier on us than most people - we both work at home and the time constraints, though large, would be easier than they are for most people. And many other things which don't need to be written about now. :)
Pros to adoption include the desire to help a needed child, save one if we can. It has been something I've analyzed within myself - demanding to prove to myself that I wouldn't be doing this to make myself feel good, and that it is something I really want to do. But it really is something that makes me nearly cry to think about how I could help - and think about how the kids live over there. Jason has liked this idea longer than I have, but drops it if I have no interest. He never pressures me about anything. But lately we're both very emotional and thoughtful about it. If only you've read the stories we have. It's been on my mind for the last year or so pretty heavily, and blew up when we saw that show!
I realize, over the course of years thinking about how a child effects your life, how much would change permanently. Though my levels of being okay with this go up and down, I'm generally not bothered by it at all.
We are tentatively thinking of a child somewhere between 2-4. Now before you get all bent out of shape about the fact that we don't want an infant and start making a mental list of the warnings about getting a kid that age group, don't worry. We've thought of and researched them all. We're aware, don't worry.
Cons to adoption include, obviously, health concerns. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. One of the reasons we like the idea of a child that is a little older (say 4 perhaps) is that there is a little more you can tell about their health in all 3 of those ways. However, they are more likely to have health problems the older they are because of the greater chance of being in an orphanage for longer. So the pros and cons balance with that probably. So then it's just an issue of being careful. Having her checked by a trustworthy doctor before we decide for sure, watching her interact, talking to her, etc.
The biggest issues of health in Ukraine are fetal alcohol syndrome, and malnutrition. Malnutrition and issues resulting from it are relatively easy to fix. FAS usually has noticeable symptoms for that age group, so it can be avoided.
Of all the stories on adoption I've already heard, all the people I've already talked to at length, all the info I've scoured through endlessly... This is the main thing I've come across the most: Child was diagnosed with something. Heart murmur, developmental delays, parasites, on and on... And then turn out to have - nothing. They are diagnostically trigger happy over there and no one knows why. Obviously there are a lot of seriously unhealthy kids. HIV, TB, serious parasites, holes in hearts, cerebral palsy, etc. And then other things that are fixable but still no fun - cleft lip/palate, club feet, cross eyes... Those are all things that are detectable and will be known about before deciding and bringing home a child. Of course some things can happen or be found out about after adoption, we're not stupid - we know the possibilities. But generally speaking the risk is lower than it would originally seem when you hear horror stories of sickly kids being brought home. Still, we'll be careful.
Of course it's possible to be surprised, after adopting, of some serious issue. Mental or physical. And that's something we'd have to just do our best to avoid or be okay with dealing with a surprise like that. We'd have to make sure we're okay with the risks and challenges we'd face as a couple and as a whole family. This has been one reason I've delayed having children for so long - fears of unknown things that cause drama that I just didn't want. I deal with stress well, but I don't like it!
However, I have come to more agreeable terms with the possiblity of that kind of stress. With anything in life, you have to deal with possible things going wrong. Usually things turn out fine. When they don't, they will be someday.
Then there are behavioral problems. Those are also generally noticeable immediately, particularly in kids older than 2. Even FAS usually has physical signs.
We're confident, especially due to the experiences of others, that we will be able to find what we consider perfect. Healthy enough, happy enough, and wanting us.
As for the process, it doesn't seem that hard really. It's a lot of work - much like preparing to buy a house. Paperwork gathering, proving via a social worker homestudy that you're ok to adopt in various ways, lots of notarizing and swearing you're telling the truth, and then comes the hard part - actually going! If we decide to do this, you will all have to come to terms with the worry about us being in Ukraine anywhere from 3-6 weeks! But again - we know what to expect. Most people say it's dirt poor in many areas, but places like Kiev (aka Kyiv) are like 1950's NYC as far as the way people act. Friendly, honest, and helpful for the most part. Worth the trouble, they all say, in the end.
The only obstacle we haven't completely overcome so far is money. We don't want to take out a loan or refinance or anything like that. This is hard enough without going through that kind of irritation, especially because we are no-doc people because of the home business and that means that the interest rates are higher and loans harder to get. We can maybe cover the first few months of the process by stringent saving and conserving. About $7k's worth in about 5 months (EEK... now that I see it on paper I'm not so sure!). The rest- lost income for up to 6 weeks, and about $10k for the actual trip and adoption, that we're not sure how we can save it in time. According to the time lines I've seen so far, the process from start to travel usually takes about 6-9 months. Which puts us at the end of this year or early next if we go as soon as we're allowed and if we started now.
So that brings us to 5 days after the beginning of our truly serious research. We are by no means 100% decided. We are still open to opinions and viewpoints of others. We don't know yet if we even can do it financially. But we think we have a shot at it more than a lot of other people who have done it, and figure there are places we can turn if we get in a jam - even if that means our "untouchable unless you're dying" savings. Not really our nature to do that, but hey, this is quite a different situation.
All for now, my fingers are getting tired!
Love,
Molly
First of all, I want you all to know that we haven't made any decision yet - true to our cautious-while-open-minded nature, but we want everyone close to us to be aware of what we're doing and what we decide as we go along. If we decide to do this, we want everyone to be as excited as we will be, and believe that we're doing a good thing.
In my process of researching, I found that so many recent adoption stories are kept track of through a blog, not only for the families' benefit, but for information tracking for the adopters.
Here's what's going on so far, and what has happened up to this point...
Last Sunday night Jason and I were watching Dateline, on purpose because of a story that was to appear. It was about the Salem family, who oddly enough lives about 45 minutes away from us. Several years ago they adopted twin - a boy and a girl - babies from Russia. They wanted to have children that way vs. biologically so they could save a child that already lives. Then later they find out that their children have 4 other brothers and sisters - two other sets of twins. A set of boys and a set of girls. Yes one family with three sets of twins. So they wanted to adopt the other 4 kids to keep them together. It was a very touching story, covering all the ups and downs of international adoption.
Jason and I have thought about and discussed international adoption, particularly from Russia, several times as as option when we were ready. That story got the fire going again and we promptly spent every available minute from that point on researching. It's something we had thought about in the past and decided we'd try to find out if it was even possible now. Back when we talked about it other times it was scrapped as an idea because of the expense. To adopt from Russia it costs at LEAST $30k, usually more like $50k. Just not an option for us. Plus they make it so hard with the process - in fact adoption from Russia is closed to the US currently anyway.
So within a few minutes of research I found out that Ukrainian adoption is not only easier, available, and just as needy, but a lot less money. Still a lot of money, but not nearly as much. It can cost anywhere from $12k to $20k, done independent of an agency (more on that later). We figured out with the fees in our state it would cost probably about $15-18k for us, the range due to the cost of travel/possible extra expenses while in Ukraine being uncertain.
So onward with Ukrainian research we went. We can across Cathy Harris' website (www.Ukrainianangels.org), who helps with independent Ukrainian adoption. Independent means without an agency, which is really the way to go with Ukraine because agencies can't do much for you because of Ukrainian laws. They can't help you once you're there, they just tell you how to prepare your dossier (paperwork for adoption application to be sent to Ukraine), which you can find out on your own, or through someone like Cathy. Cathy helps with anything you need to know and then sets you up with known reliable people in Ukraine (translator, etc.), helps you with your dossier, reviews it for issues and needed changes, and lots of that kind of stuff.
Moving on... Now we needed to really focus on all the pros and cons of doing this so we know if it's entirely emotional or if it's really a good idea. Of course we never do anything just based on stubborn desire, we have to know what we're doing and that it's really going to work. We have to memorize as much as possible about it and justify it to ourselves before we do it, as if we were trying to convince skeptics.
Pros to having a child are obvious and not debated among most, but generally include extra facts such as that the cons to child raising are generally easier on us than most people - we both work at home and the time constraints, though large, would be easier than they are for most people. And many other things which don't need to be written about now. :)
Pros to adoption include the desire to help a needed child, save one if we can. It has been something I've analyzed within myself - demanding to prove to myself that I wouldn't be doing this to make myself feel good, and that it is something I really want to do. But it really is something that makes me nearly cry to think about how I could help - and think about how the kids live over there. Jason has liked this idea longer than I have, but drops it if I have no interest. He never pressures me about anything. But lately we're both very emotional and thoughtful about it. If only you've read the stories we have. It's been on my mind for the last year or so pretty heavily, and blew up when we saw that show!
I realize, over the course of years thinking about how a child effects your life, how much would change permanently. Though my levels of being okay with this go up and down, I'm generally not bothered by it at all.
We are tentatively thinking of a child somewhere between 2-4. Now before you get all bent out of shape about the fact that we don't want an infant and start making a mental list of the warnings about getting a kid that age group, don't worry. We've thought of and researched them all. We're aware, don't worry.
Cons to adoption include, obviously, health concerns. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. One of the reasons we like the idea of a child that is a little older (say 4 perhaps) is that there is a little more you can tell about their health in all 3 of those ways. However, they are more likely to have health problems the older they are because of the greater chance of being in an orphanage for longer. So the pros and cons balance with that probably. So then it's just an issue of being careful. Having her checked by a trustworthy doctor before we decide for sure, watching her interact, talking to her, etc.
The biggest issues of health in Ukraine are fetal alcohol syndrome, and malnutrition. Malnutrition and issues resulting from it are relatively easy to fix. FAS usually has noticeable symptoms for that age group, so it can be avoided.
Of all the stories on adoption I've already heard, all the people I've already talked to at length, all the info I've scoured through endlessly... This is the main thing I've come across the most: Child was diagnosed with something. Heart murmur, developmental delays, parasites, on and on... And then turn out to have - nothing. They are diagnostically trigger happy over there and no one knows why. Obviously there are a lot of seriously unhealthy kids. HIV, TB, serious parasites, holes in hearts, cerebral palsy, etc. And then other things that are fixable but still no fun - cleft lip/palate, club feet, cross eyes... Those are all things that are detectable and will be known about before deciding and bringing home a child. Of course some things can happen or be found out about after adoption, we're not stupid - we know the possibilities. But generally speaking the risk is lower than it would originally seem when you hear horror stories of sickly kids being brought home. Still, we'll be careful.
Of course it's possible to be surprised, after adopting, of some serious issue. Mental or physical. And that's something we'd have to just do our best to avoid or be okay with dealing with a surprise like that. We'd have to make sure we're okay with the risks and challenges we'd face as a couple and as a whole family. This has been one reason I've delayed having children for so long - fears of unknown things that cause drama that I just didn't want. I deal with stress well, but I don't like it!
However, I have come to more agreeable terms with the possiblity of that kind of stress. With anything in life, you have to deal with possible things going wrong. Usually things turn out fine. When they don't, they will be someday.
Then there are behavioral problems. Those are also generally noticeable immediately, particularly in kids older than 2. Even FAS usually has physical signs.
We're confident, especially due to the experiences of others, that we will be able to find what we consider perfect. Healthy enough, happy enough, and wanting us.
As for the process, it doesn't seem that hard really. It's a lot of work - much like preparing to buy a house. Paperwork gathering, proving via a social worker homestudy that you're ok to adopt in various ways, lots of notarizing and swearing you're telling the truth, and then comes the hard part - actually going! If we decide to do this, you will all have to come to terms with the worry about us being in Ukraine anywhere from 3-6 weeks! But again - we know what to expect. Most people say it's dirt poor in many areas, but places like Kiev (aka Kyiv) are like 1950's NYC as far as the way people act. Friendly, honest, and helpful for the most part. Worth the trouble, they all say, in the end.
The only obstacle we haven't completely overcome so far is money. We don't want to take out a loan or refinance or anything like that. This is hard enough without going through that kind of irritation, especially because we are no-doc people because of the home business and that means that the interest rates are higher and loans harder to get. We can maybe cover the first few months of the process by stringent saving and conserving. About $7k's worth in about 5 months (EEK... now that I see it on paper I'm not so sure!). The rest- lost income for up to 6 weeks, and about $10k for the actual trip and adoption, that we're not sure how we can save it in time. According to the time lines I've seen so far, the process from start to travel usually takes about 6-9 months. Which puts us at the end of this year or early next if we go as soon as we're allowed and if we started now.
So that brings us to 5 days after the beginning of our truly serious research. We are by no means 100% decided. We are still open to opinions and viewpoints of others. We don't know yet if we even can do it financially. But we think we have a shot at it more than a lot of other people who have done it, and figure there are places we can turn if we get in a jam - even if that means our "untouchable unless you're dying" savings. Not really our nature to do that, but hey, this is quite a different situation.
All for now, my fingers are getting tired!
Love,
Molly
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