And (as a close member of the family pointed out) this time the news is not annoying or bad!
We've decided to go to Estonia at the end of May to preview Ekaterina and Roman. As mentioned to most of you, we wouldn't adopt siblings or older kids unless the specific kids were really what we're looking for in terms of personality, health, and issues. We're prepared to deal with likely issues we may face, but it seems that these kids have nothing severe.
Here's what we know so far...
We're flying out on Saturday the 24th in the evening for an overnight flight. We have a layover in Stockholm and then we'll get to Tallinn at 5:50pm (their time). We'll be picked up by the people from the B&B we're staying in, which is where most people stay when they are going for the adoption trips. Our coordinator/translator (Igor is his name - not to be confused with Dad's impression of "Igor the Ogre") will be taking us where we need to go. I assume the first time we'll see the kids is Monday. From what I heard it's likely that the orphanage will want us to take the kids back to the hotel with us to stay with us for the 3 days we are there. Then we leave on Thursday the 29th, to arrive back in Newark at 7pm.
We were excited to learn that the kids speak Russian, not Estonian. That means we can keep going with our learning of Russian and have it be useful! With the translator's help, our little bit of Russian, and the fact that they have been taking English, communication should be easier that we thought it might be initially.
The only other significant things we know about them is she takes ballet, he likes to play soccer, they do well in school, are agreeable and compliant, that she desperately wants a family and he's a "little wild". When I asked for clarification on that, they said "normal 10 year old boy wild"; but they also said that he really likes adults and does tasks he's given without any trouble.
They seem like really sweet kids. I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but the lady at the agency in SC (who has adopted kids as well) said that if she was looking to adopt, she'd adopt these kids. They really seem normal, healthy (as much as possible in orphanage), and nice. So we're going to meet them so we can decide for sure.
We're really excited to go and keep hearing nothing but good things about how these trips usually work out. Seems like an easy place to travel, especially with Igor's help. Their culture is more western than eastern in a lot of ways, which is why (I guess) they take ballet and play soccer and take English as part of their schooling. :)
The next step after we get back is to send our dossier over there to be approved. Anywhere from a month to several months later we will go back for our court hearing to finalize. That second trip should take two weeks or less over there.
We're finishing up our dossier before we leave for the preview so everything will be ready before we go. The paperwork for Estonia is much easier, in my opinion. We've gotten almost all of it done. After we get everything we need, we have to get some things notarized and then take it all to Harrisburg to be apostilled. That basically means they verify the notaries and give everything another stamp. Then everything gets translated and sent off to Estonia.
We just found out yesterday that the kids are right in Tallinn (where we fly in and where we're staying), so there won't be a lot of in-country travel. Which is good when you're only there three days.
So now you're up to date! Things finally happening. But it's such a roller coaster. This is so hard! All the waiting and wondering, uncertainties. It really is tormenting. All we can do is hope that it'll be worth it. ;)
Love,
Molly
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The Pile.
So since I didn't get to write as many details in the last post as I would have liked, and since there haven't been any comments (and maybe not any viewers!) yet, I'm going to hurry up and address some things I know will come up among advice-givers and those-who-think-I've-lost-my-mind-ers.
First of all (I'll refrain from bullets or numbered points this time... Gotta get away from that!) we've heard before the concerns about adopting more than one child. I can imagine that the concerns over adopting more than one OLDER child are even more plentiful! Believe me, I know. I have concerns. I'm not being naive. I know it won't be easy. Jason and I have talked about it a lot and have been learning a lot about all the possible issues we might face. Jason keeps saying that anyone who wants to do this has to be at least 50% doing it for the purpose of helping someone else. Not because it'll be all fun and games for us.
Knowing what issues we might face I think is probably the most important thing we can do right now. Be mentally prepared as much as we can possibly be, while knowing too that there will still be surprises and days we ask what in the world we got ourselves into.
Another concern I can see crossing the minds of some is that we'd be missing out on the fun younger ages. That's not really true either... If we really like these kids and adopt them, they'll be out of the house in 10 years or so. Between now and then we'll still be young enough to adopt (or have) an infant if we wanted. Or a 3 year old. Or whatever.
Honestly I'm not too picky about the ages. I do feel like it is a little weird... a lot weird actually... to think about having "kids" that are only 16 years or so younger than me. I didn't intend to create my own Gilmore Girls series when we started this. I think it will be weird for me and for other people for a long time. (Note: Jason doesn't care at all about it being weird.) But at the same time if the kids are right for us, it shouldn't really matter as much. We got into this wanting to help a child that might otherwise have a terrible life. The older they are, the less likely they are to be adopted.
Of course there is a limit. Not only in age but also in things we're willing to handle. We need to make sure, to the extent possible, that we won't be tying ourselves to issues that we will kill ourselves trying to fix. I don't think I could handle severe Reactive Attachment Disorder, for instance. I can't handle the idea of adopting a teenager, for instance. Although I would rather adopt a healthy teenager than a 5 year old with RAD. And in some older-kid cases, RAD is less likely. Rejection and attachment issues are inevitable, but not RAD.
We have to do 10 hours of online training as part of this process. We found out about it yesterday. Of course our agency that wrote our home study didn't tell us about it. We've learned a lot from it already about different adjustment issues the kids face, even if they're happy about being adopted. There will be no honeymoon period. There will be testing. They (like the dogs we train) have to learn what we will allow, what we can take, and whether we would ever give up on them if they were bad enough. The older they are and the longer they've been in an institution, the greater the chance that they've been abused. We've already resigned ourselves to the idea that whoever we adopt will need counseling.
On the other hand, many people deal with behavior issues, adjustment issues, kids with disorders and all kinds of things - and they are their bio kids! Knowing in advance that we'll probably have these kinds of things to deal with doesn't change whether or not we can handle them.
In talking about these possibilities, I asked Jason how he felt about these prospects. He said it made him look forward to it even more. He's not denying the possibilities and he's not afraid of them. He wants to face whatever challenges come with the children we carefully choose. For someone who worries a lot and overreacts at times to minor stress, he's a stinking cucumber about this! (As in "cool as a"...)
We've also talked about making sure, no matter what happens, that we don't let it negatively effect our relationship with each other and our spirituality.
Comments and concerns are appreciated, when they do (inevitably) come. But we want you all to know that we're not expecting smooth-except-minor-issues from this process. HA! as if anything in this process is smooth! If we do indeed adopt TWO. OLDER. KIDS., we know it could be really tough. Doing a good thing for someone else is often not easy. And we will need help, advice, and support ongoing... And I'm sure, from past experience with your opinions, some of you will believe that if anyone can do this...
So... Will I still come up smelling like a rose after jumping into THIS pile? ;)
Love,
Molly
First of all (I'll refrain from bullets or numbered points this time... Gotta get away from that!) we've heard before the concerns about adopting more than one child. I can imagine that the concerns over adopting more than one OLDER child are even more plentiful! Believe me, I know. I have concerns. I'm not being naive. I know it won't be easy. Jason and I have talked about it a lot and have been learning a lot about all the possible issues we might face. Jason keeps saying that anyone who wants to do this has to be at least 50% doing it for the purpose of helping someone else. Not because it'll be all fun and games for us.
Knowing what issues we might face I think is probably the most important thing we can do right now. Be mentally prepared as much as we can possibly be, while knowing too that there will still be surprises and days we ask what in the world we got ourselves into.
Another concern I can see crossing the minds of some is that we'd be missing out on the fun younger ages. That's not really true either... If we really like these kids and adopt them, they'll be out of the house in 10 years or so. Between now and then we'll still be young enough to adopt (or have) an infant if we wanted. Or a 3 year old. Or whatever.
Honestly I'm not too picky about the ages. I do feel like it is a little weird... a lot weird actually... to think about having "kids" that are only 16 years or so younger than me. I didn't intend to create my own Gilmore Girls series when we started this. I think it will be weird for me and for other people for a long time. (Note: Jason doesn't care at all about it being weird.) But at the same time if the kids are right for us, it shouldn't really matter as much. We got into this wanting to help a child that might otherwise have a terrible life. The older they are, the less likely they are to be adopted.
Of course there is a limit. Not only in age but also in things we're willing to handle. We need to make sure, to the extent possible, that we won't be tying ourselves to issues that we will kill ourselves trying to fix. I don't think I could handle severe Reactive Attachment Disorder, for instance. I can't handle the idea of adopting a teenager, for instance. Although I would rather adopt a healthy teenager than a 5 year old with RAD. And in some older-kid cases, RAD is less likely. Rejection and attachment issues are inevitable, but not RAD.
We have to do 10 hours of online training as part of this process. We found out about it yesterday. Of course our agency that wrote our home study didn't tell us about it. We've learned a lot from it already about different adjustment issues the kids face, even if they're happy about being adopted. There will be no honeymoon period. There will be testing. They (like the dogs we train) have to learn what we will allow, what we can take, and whether we would ever give up on them if they were bad enough. The older they are and the longer they've been in an institution, the greater the chance that they've been abused. We've already resigned ourselves to the idea that whoever we adopt will need counseling.
On the other hand, many people deal with behavior issues, adjustment issues, kids with disorders and all kinds of things - and they are their bio kids! Knowing in advance that we'll probably have these kinds of things to deal with doesn't change whether or not we can handle them.
In talking about these possibilities, I asked Jason how he felt about these prospects. He said it made him look forward to it even more. He's not denying the possibilities and he's not afraid of them. He wants to face whatever challenges come with the children we carefully choose. For someone who worries a lot and overreacts at times to minor stress, he's a stinking cucumber about this! (As in "cool as a"...)
We've also talked about making sure, no matter what happens, that we don't let it negatively effect our relationship with each other and our spirituality.
Comments and concerns are appreciated, when they do (inevitably) come. But we want you all to know that we're not expecting smooth-except-minor-issues from this process. HA! as if anything in this process is smooth! If we do indeed adopt TWO. OLDER. KIDS., we know it could be really tough. Doing a good thing for someone else is often not easy. And we will need help, advice, and support ongoing... And I'm sure, from past experience with your opinions, some of you will believe that if anyone can do this...
So... Will I still come up smelling like a rose after jumping into THIS pile? ;)
Love,
Molly
Monday, April 14, 2008
Nuthin but a number
We've been watching the Estonia photo listing like hawks lately, convinced now that it really is the most feasible option for us now. The domestic is much more chaotic than even Ukraine seemed to be, and we're tired of the idea of paying through the nose before you lay eyes on a real kid. I'd prefer to not lose an arm and a leg before I get to use my eyes.
A week or so ago a listing popped up on Estonia that we kept in the back of our minds for a couple days. Jason really likes them. REALLY likes them. In fact he says they are the first ones he's seen that he can visualize being his kids. I was surprised to hear that. That's the way I felt about the "listing" mentioned in the last post.
Since it's fair to say at this point that it's impossible that we'll be adopting the "listing" from the last post, I guess I can tell you guys more details now. It's somewhat relevant to the current possibility. The last "listing" was in Arkansas, and it was a set of THREE girls. Three, yes. Which is why I didn't tell you! I didn't want to hear "Well, Molly... Maybe it's for the best. Three is an awful lot to handle right away. From 0-3? Wow." I didn't want to hear "Maybe it's for the best"! I really wanted them! If you saw them you'd understand. Their ages were 4, 6 and 7. All blonde, all blue eyed, all gorgeous, all smiles, and all sweet. Maybe, sure, maybe they might have had behavioral problems. Who knows. So maybe it was for the best? And three is more than we intended to adopt. That is a lot. So there's the secret of my ambiguity.
NOW. The Estonia listing has a minor detail of its own that you all will have to wrap your brains around (especially those of you with judgmental opinionated brains). OK two minor details. Since there are two kids. A boy and a girl. Oh yeah, and one other detail... They are much older. Old enough that, honestly, my only real concern is that family and friends will never really get used to them as being our "kids." They are 10 and 11 (but probably small, as most of them are... they might end up looking like 8 and 9 year olds in person).
We wouldn't be okay with the age except under specific circumstances... specifically the specific kids. We have heard reports of them being very friendly, sweet, on track with school, obedient, helpful, laugh a lot, respectful, etc. etc... Which is not what they say about every kid.
Now the pros for adopting older kids... I am frequently reminded (by my own mind and my an appreciated input-giver) that at the age of 7 a child's personality is pretty much set. That would mean that 1) it could be advantageous to adopt a kid younger than 7 so they can be molded personality-wise. Or (and this is my own addition to the rules) 2) adopt a kid older than 7 so the personality will be apparent and probably won't change for the worse. What you see is what you get.
Those of you who have access to the photo listing, you can look at these kids and tell me what you think. Their names are Roman and Ekaterina. We're waiting for the video of them in the mail (should be here in a couple days). If all goes well and nothing unusual comes up that would end yet another possibility, then there is a chance that we'll go to Estonia to preview them soon (like a month from now).
So that's the latest, for the most part. More later this week.
Love,
Molly
PS- Carolyn can you remind me when you wanted us to watch B&K for you? So I don't interfere with that. :)
A week or so ago a listing popped up on Estonia that we kept in the back of our minds for a couple days. Jason really likes them. REALLY likes them. In fact he says they are the first ones he's seen that he can visualize being his kids. I was surprised to hear that. That's the way I felt about the "listing" mentioned in the last post.
Since it's fair to say at this point that it's impossible that we'll be adopting the "listing" from the last post, I guess I can tell you guys more details now. It's somewhat relevant to the current possibility. The last "listing" was in Arkansas, and it was a set of THREE girls. Three, yes. Which is why I didn't tell you! I didn't want to hear "Well, Molly... Maybe it's for the best. Three is an awful lot to handle right away. From 0-3? Wow." I didn't want to hear "Maybe it's for the best"! I really wanted them! If you saw them you'd understand. Their ages were 4, 6 and 7. All blonde, all blue eyed, all gorgeous, all smiles, and all sweet. Maybe, sure, maybe they might have had behavioral problems. Who knows. So maybe it was for the best? And three is more than we intended to adopt. That is a lot. So there's the secret of my ambiguity.
NOW. The Estonia listing has a minor detail of its own that you all will have to wrap your brains around (especially those of you with judgmental opinionated brains). OK two minor details. Since there are two kids. A boy and a girl. Oh yeah, and one other detail... They are much older. Old enough that, honestly, my only real concern is that family and friends will never really get used to them as being our "kids." They are 10 and 11 (but probably small, as most of them are... they might end up looking like 8 and 9 year olds in person).
We wouldn't be okay with the age except under specific circumstances... specifically the specific kids. We have heard reports of them being very friendly, sweet, on track with school, obedient, helpful, laugh a lot, respectful, etc. etc... Which is not what they say about every kid.
Now the pros for adopting older kids... I am frequently reminded (by my own mind and my an appreciated input-giver) that at the age of 7 a child's personality is pretty much set. That would mean that 1) it could be advantageous to adopt a kid younger than 7 so they can be molded personality-wise. Or (and this is my own addition to the rules) 2) adopt a kid older than 7 so the personality will be apparent and probably won't change for the worse. What you see is what you get.
Those of you who have access to the photo listing, you can look at these kids and tell me what you think. Their names are Roman and Ekaterina. We're waiting for the video of them in the mail (should be here in a couple days). If all goes well and nothing unusual comes up that would end yet another possibility, then there is a chance that we'll go to Estonia to preview them soon (like a month from now).
So that's the latest, for the most part. More later this week.
Love,
Molly
PS- Carolyn can you remind me when you wanted us to watch B&K for you? So I don't interfere with that. :)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Right place, right time... or is it?
Only a total of 5 comments on the last post?! Come on, did I turn away all our fans by neglecting to have any updates for awhile??? Get with it people! Make me feel needed!
The latest has basically consisted of more waiting and hopes being raised and disappointments soon following. Not really any good news to report, but an update I suppose could be given nonetheless.
We decided, with the lack of frequent updates to the Estonia photo listing, to un-rule out domestic adoption. At this point we don't really care where the child currently lives, as long as we can adopt them with reasonable limits on chaos during the process. Too much to ask for? REASONABLE chaos? If we thought the international adoption process was irritating, disorganized and full of people who don't seem to care, try right here in our own national stomping grounds! We've come to the conclusion that the first rule for anyone attempting to adopt is to assume the following three things:
1) Nearly no one will/can help you, except what you make them do, even if you are paying them for the service. No one works to find a child that will be a good match for you.
2) Everybody lies. (Which all "House" fans already know.)
3) No one really acts like they care if you, as a perfect adoptive parent, will get a child.
We've been scouring the state photo listings for the last couple weeks or more (lost track), which is a chore because they all have different websites, some states with more than one, and they all have different rules for finding out more info on a "waiting child" you see listed. They all require an up to date home study, so at least we have that. Some require that your social worker make contact with the child's case worker directly (case worker says "I ain't speaking to no stinking adoptive family! Can't be bothered... So have an incompetent social worker who couldn't care less about the adoptive families contact me instead so I can blow everyone off.") Note: this is not to say that OUR social worker (Stan) doesn't care. He does. But not caring is not uncommon.
There have been at least 10 kids that we would consider adopting, depending on info we acquire about them. Some we have not been able to learn squat about. Some we would call about when they look nice from the picture and description, and then call and hear a laundry list of about 100 special needs (emotional and mental mostly). Not just one or two, but the worst things you can think of behaviorally. Unfortunately we can't risk having a child who will murder all our animals just to get their way. Or a child that is at great risk of "maybe never loving anyone.... ever!"
THEN the ones that actually turn out to be good... Guess what? Even if they're just listed, they are almost always already taken. Or the case worker is not accepting anymore home studies for consideration.
Example of our most recent and most severe disappointment:
Last Thursday afternoon a listing popped up on the Arkansas photo listing page. (The listing will henceforth be referred to as "the listing" - as I have an extreme aversion currently to divulge any details about this failed attempt beyond the facts of the events that have led us to become so disgusted with the adoption process {even more than usual!}.)
This listing was perfect, relatively speaking. If we could have clicked "Buy it now", we would have without another thought (as long as there was a return policy for "not as described"). This listing was such that I could immediately picture "the listing" being part of our family. Living here... That hadn't happened yet with any other possibility. The listing even looked like me somewhat. LOL
Jason is the one that saw the listing and called me while I was out on an appointment. He gave me the contact info for the photo listing website so I could call them and get the case worker's contact info. I called them (20 minutes before they closed) and they said that the webmaster was working from home that day, the listing was just put up by her that afternoon, and they didn't have the case worker's contact info yet. He said I could call the next morning to find out.
Not being able to wait, when I got home I found the webmaster's email address (it was listed on the front page of the website in the sentence "If you encounter problems with this website, contact our webmaster.") and wrote begging for the case worker's info. Long shot, probably... But at 9pm that night she wrote back with the case worker's email and phone number.
I emailed the CW that night, definitely being the first who could have possibly gotten the information, hoping that would make a difference.
Friday morning I had Stan email the CW our home study. I called the CW's phone number when the office opened, and was disappointed to find out that the CW was not in the office that day. So then we had to wait in anxiety and anticipation all weekend until yesterday morning when I could try again. But, again, she was out of the office yesterday for the whole day.
This morning, once again, I call. Finally I get in touch with the CW. I explained that I got in touch with her as soon as the information was available because we were just so anxious and excited to learn more about this listing, and that my SW sent her the home study by email on Friday, and I wanted to know if she got it and if we would be considered for this listing. She asked if she had told me to send her the home study, and I said no. I told her I wanted her to have it already just in case. She said that they were no longer taking home studies for the listing, that they had narrowed it down to two home studies already, and that they planned to make a decision on a match today. I asked how that could be, since the listing was just put up Thursday afternoon. She said the listing has been on a completely different website ("Heart Gallery" - which some regions of some states have, which are professionally taken photos of waiting children, and are not listed on state photo listing websites) for several months and they already had gotten many home studies for the listing. I told her that I was very disappointed because we did everything possible to find out about it as soon as it went up, and was there any way our home study could be considered, too. She said (probably the most anxiety-inducing statement she could have made) that she would read the home study and if it was better than the two they had narrowed down, then yes. She said if this didn't work out, they had others that were similar and not listed on the websites yet, and she would let me know who we matched well with.
So she left a glimmer of hope to ensure our holding on to the end of a tiny little unraveling string that was already cut, torn, broken and stolen by other families.
What's so irritating, besides the obvious, about this particular situation is that we didn't find out about this listing a week or two too late. We find out the DAY that it's too late. If we found out a week from now, I would have called and she would have said "Sorry we've already chosen a family for this listing", and I would have said, "Oh... Thanks anyway... *sniff*" and hung up. We find out right when it seems like it could have gone the other way: "Oh, you're perfect for this listing, we're so glad you contacted us today because we were going to make a decision today!"
If it does turn out differently and this works out - it would be interesting because if things fell into place any differently up to this point, then we would be definitely without any hope. But at this point, even my optimistic and positive personality is left wondering if a little unlikely hope is worse than just knowing for sure.
The worst part, I think, is that this kind of thing happening yet again (even if we tried hard not to get our hopes up about a certain listing) makes us want to give up. It's really terrible that the system is set up to discourage and eliminate desires of people who have a relatively great situation for needy kids.
So maybe, as past disappointments have turned out, this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I don't know. I like to think so! I'd love to write a post here that is either good news or something other than simple facts someday! I keep reminding myself (and Jason!) that we found this "perfect" listing within a relatively short period of time looking at the US listings. It only seems like forever because we've been at the whole process for more than 9 months. But it's hard to keep looking, preparing for disappointment, because it makes you force yourself to care less, which makes you less interested overall, which means it may not ever happen.
OK commenters, loyal fans, and the disloyal ones too... Ready, set, go!
The latest has basically consisted of more waiting and hopes being raised and disappointments soon following. Not really any good news to report, but an update I suppose could be given nonetheless.
We decided, with the lack of frequent updates to the Estonia photo listing, to un-rule out domestic adoption. At this point we don't really care where the child currently lives, as long as we can adopt them with reasonable limits on chaos during the process. Too much to ask for? REASONABLE chaos? If we thought the international adoption process was irritating, disorganized and full of people who don't seem to care, try right here in our own national stomping grounds! We've come to the conclusion that the first rule for anyone attempting to adopt is to assume the following three things:
1) Nearly no one will/can help you, except what you make them do, even if you are paying them for the service. No one works to find a child that will be a good match for you.
2) Everybody lies. (Which all "House" fans already know.)
3) No one really acts like they care if you, as a perfect adoptive parent, will get a child.
We've been scouring the state photo listings for the last couple weeks or more (lost track), which is a chore because they all have different websites, some states with more than one, and they all have different rules for finding out more info on a "waiting child" you see listed. They all require an up to date home study, so at least we have that. Some require that your social worker make contact with the child's case worker directly (case worker says "I ain't speaking to no stinking adoptive family! Can't be bothered... So have an incompetent social worker who couldn't care less about the adoptive families contact me instead so I can blow everyone off.") Note: this is not to say that OUR social worker (Stan) doesn't care. He does. But not caring is not uncommon.
There have been at least 10 kids that we would consider adopting, depending on info we acquire about them. Some we have not been able to learn squat about. Some we would call about when they look nice from the picture and description, and then call and hear a laundry list of about 100 special needs (emotional and mental mostly). Not just one or two, but the worst things you can think of behaviorally. Unfortunately we can't risk having a child who will murder all our animals just to get their way. Or a child that is at great risk of "maybe never loving anyone.... ever!"
THEN the ones that actually turn out to be good... Guess what? Even if they're just listed, they are almost always already taken. Or the case worker is not accepting anymore home studies for consideration.
Example of our most recent and most severe disappointment:
Last Thursday afternoon a listing popped up on the Arkansas photo listing page. (The listing will henceforth be referred to as "the listing" - as I have an extreme aversion currently to divulge any details about this failed attempt beyond the facts of the events that have led us to become so disgusted with the adoption process {even more than usual!}.)
This listing was perfect, relatively speaking. If we could have clicked "Buy it now", we would have without another thought (as long as there was a return policy for "not as described"). This listing was such that I could immediately picture "the listing" being part of our family. Living here... That hadn't happened yet with any other possibility. The listing even looked like me somewhat. LOL
Jason is the one that saw the listing and called me while I was out on an appointment. He gave me the contact info for the photo listing website so I could call them and get the case worker's contact info. I called them (20 minutes before they closed) and they said that the webmaster was working from home that day, the listing was just put up by her that afternoon, and they didn't have the case worker's contact info yet. He said I could call the next morning to find out.
Not being able to wait, when I got home I found the webmaster's email address (it was listed on the front page of the website in the sentence "If you encounter problems with this website, contact our webmaster.") and wrote begging for the case worker's info. Long shot, probably... But at 9pm that night she wrote back with the case worker's email and phone number.
I emailed the CW that night, definitely being the first who could have possibly gotten the information, hoping that would make a difference.
Friday morning I had Stan email the CW our home study. I called the CW's phone number when the office opened, and was disappointed to find out that the CW was not in the office that day. So then we had to wait in anxiety and anticipation all weekend until yesterday morning when I could try again. But, again, she was out of the office yesterday for the whole day.
This morning, once again, I call. Finally I get in touch with the CW. I explained that I got in touch with her as soon as the information was available because we were just so anxious and excited to learn more about this listing, and that my SW sent her the home study by email on Friday, and I wanted to know if she got it and if we would be considered for this listing. She asked if she had told me to send her the home study, and I said no. I told her I wanted her to have it already just in case. She said that they were no longer taking home studies for the listing, that they had narrowed it down to two home studies already, and that they planned to make a decision on a match today. I asked how that could be, since the listing was just put up Thursday afternoon. She said the listing has been on a completely different website ("Heart Gallery" - which some regions of some states have, which are professionally taken photos of waiting children, and are not listed on state photo listing websites) for several months and they already had gotten many home studies for the listing. I told her that I was very disappointed because we did everything possible to find out about it as soon as it went up, and was there any way our home study could be considered, too. She said (probably the most anxiety-inducing statement she could have made) that she would read the home study and if it was better than the two they had narrowed down, then yes. She said if this didn't work out, they had others that were similar and not listed on the websites yet, and she would let me know who we matched well with.
So she left a glimmer of hope to ensure our holding on to the end of a tiny little unraveling string that was already cut, torn, broken and stolen by other families.
What's so irritating, besides the obvious, about this particular situation is that we didn't find out about this listing a week or two too late. We find out the DAY that it's too late. If we found out a week from now, I would have called and she would have said "Sorry we've already chosen a family for this listing", and I would have said, "Oh... Thanks anyway... *sniff*" and hung up. We find out right when it seems like it could have gone the other way: "Oh, you're perfect for this listing, we're so glad you contacted us today because we were going to make a decision today!"
If it does turn out differently and this works out - it would be interesting because if things fell into place any differently up to this point, then we would be definitely without any hope. But at this point, even my optimistic and positive personality is left wondering if a little unlikely hope is worse than just knowing for sure.
The worst part, I think, is that this kind of thing happening yet again (even if we tried hard not to get our hopes up about a certain listing) makes us want to give up. It's really terrible that the system is set up to discourage and eliminate desires of people who have a relatively great situation for needy kids.
So maybe, as past disappointments have turned out, this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I don't know. I like to think so! I'd love to write a post here that is either good news or something other than simple facts someday! I keep reminding myself (and Jason!) that we found this "perfect" listing within a relatively short period of time looking at the US listings. It only seems like forever because we've been at the whole process for more than 9 months. But it's hard to keep looking, preparing for disappointment, because it makes you force yourself to care less, which makes you less interested overall, which means it may not ever happen.
OK commenters, loyal fans, and the disloyal ones too... Ready, set, go!
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