Sorry for the long delay. I know a post has been much anticipated! We don't have much time right now so I may need to finish this post later but I'll update it as I have time.
We arrived in Tallinn on time on Sunday night. Exhausted from neither of us really sleeping on the flight over. Sunday night was rough because we found out that the kids had school on Monday morning and we wouldn't see them until the afternoon. We were disappointed that we had to wait more because we really want to spend as much time as possible with them. We were worried that that would mean that they would have school every morning and they may not be able to spend the nights with us at the hotel, and that we'd only have a few hours each afternoon with them at the orphanage. Well Igor worked it out with the director and as of Monday afternoon we've had them with us the whole time.
Yesterday we went to eat at McDonald's with them, and then later at Hesburger, which is like McDonald's, and then later we ate pizza. They eat more than we do and they are super skinny. So they can use some fattening up. We also ran around playing tag in the park. Well the three of them ran around and I mostly took pictures! I hope to post them later.
Today we took them swimming at this indoor water park and then to McDonald's AGAIN for lunch. LOL
Things really are great with them. We get along wonderfully and it didn't take long for them to start calling us Mom and Dad. ("Mahm" and "Pahppa") They are small for their age, I think, and though they take care of themselves well, they ask for help a lot.
They both have tested us several times (much more yesterday than today) with pouting fits when we'd tell them no about something. Like Katya got really mad that I wouldn't buy her this little packet of makeup because it was too much money. They don't understand money, and we were told that the orphanage might have told them that when they get new parents, that they will get whatever they want. They are learning that that is not the job of parents! We explained to Katya that if she wants something, she should ask for it nicely and not just act pitiful. And she shouldn't pout if she doesn't get her way, and that we would not buy anything and she can't use the computer if she acts like a brat. She laughs when I say "brat." She knows what that means, apparently. We've found the best way to get her out of the pouting fits is to make her laugh, and then explain that she should stop.
When I get back to the computer I will describe out communication between us works and how the language barrier is going. It's not as bad as I thought it would be.
More later!
Love,
Molly
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Q&A
NOTE: this is the second post for today. Don't miss the other post below.
Continuously refer to this post for Q&A about our trip. Here are some questions we've been asked so far:
1) Itinerary:
We're leaving on Saturday the 24th at 10pm from EWR (Newark). I think it's about an 8 hour flight to Stockholm. Then a 1.5 hour flight or so to Tallinn. We will get to TLL at 5:50pm Sunday the 25th, which will be 10:50am US Eastern time Sunday morning. Of course these times are considering no delays. As you know, delays are likely. Which is why I hate airports.
We'll be home Thursday the 29th, scheduled to be in Newark at 7pm US Eastern time. We'll be leaving Tallinn at 3:35pm there, which is 8:35am here.
2) Time difference:
They are 7 hours ahead of us. Or is it behind? I don't know. If it's noon here, it's 7pm there.
3) Will we be able to contact the "real world"?
Our cell phone will work to receive and make calls, as well as text messages. Charges are $1.99/minute for calls, $.50 each text message received and sent. We also have noticed that people seem to have no trouble staying on the internet regularly while in Estonia. So I imagine either by way of WiFi and our laptop and/or internet cafes, we will be updating our blog. We also plan to assign a family-and-friend-liaison in the US to receive texts/other communication from us to relay to everyone else. (i.e. "They are in Tallinn, made it safely.") Any takers? Needs to be someone who is in constant electronic accessibility and willing to call/email everyone else on the "list."
More later!
Continuously refer to this post for Q&A about our trip. Here are some questions we've been asked so far:
1) Itinerary:
We're leaving on Saturday the 24th at 10pm from EWR (Newark). I think it's about an 8 hour flight to Stockholm. Then a 1.5 hour flight or so to Tallinn. We will get to TLL at 5:50pm Sunday the 25th, which will be 10:50am US Eastern time Sunday morning. Of course these times are considering no delays. As you know, delays are likely. Which is why I hate airports.
We'll be home Thursday the 29th, scheduled to be in Newark at 7pm US Eastern time. We'll be leaving Tallinn at 3:35pm there, which is 8:35am here.
2) Time difference:
They are 7 hours ahead of us. Or is it behind? I don't know. If it's noon here, it's 7pm there.
3) Will we be able to contact the "real world"?
Our cell phone will work to receive and make calls, as well as text messages. Charges are $1.99/minute for calls, $.50 each text message received and sent. We also have noticed that people seem to have no trouble staying on the internet regularly while in Estonia. So I imagine either by way of WiFi and our laptop and/or internet cafes, we will be updating our blog. We also plan to assign a family-and-friend-liaison in the US to receive texts/other communication from us to relay to everyone else. (i.e. "They are in Tallinn, made it safely.") Any takers? Needs to be someone who is in constant electronic accessibility and willing to call/email everyone else on the "list."
More later!
No flapping zone.
Just a little more than 4 days till we leave! So exciting!
Today we went to WalMart and Old Navy to get clothes for the kids and a few other things we needed for the trip. We've heard that sometimes the kids don't come to the hotel with much in the way of clothing, so since we are supposed to bring gifts anyway we figured clothes would be good for part of the gifts. It was strange buying kid's clothes. We had to guess on the sizes since we don't know how big they are. I think I got pretty close, but we'll see! I was standing in the boy's section in Old Navy and there was a lady there (about 40 years old probably). I asked her what she thought a 10 year old boy would wear as far as size. Turns out she has three boys, ages 9, 10 and 11; so she was a good person to ask! She confirmed what I was planning on buying. So hopefully it will work! We bought shirts, shorts, pants and pajamas in different sizes. The ones that don't fit will either be returned or donated to the orphanage.
We still need to buy gifts for the caretakers (scarves, lotions, jewelry, etc.) and games/toys to keep the kids busy. Nothing too extravagant. We're just told that since they don't get out much and don't get direct attention much, we might want breaks. So give them stuff to occupy them during those times!
Still waiting on our INS approval... more than 10 weeks now! :( Most people get them within 4 weeks. ARG!
The adoption photo listing for Estonia was updated last Friday with about 20 new kids. It caused mixed emotions at first because I don't like having what seems like an abundance of choices. Makes me worry that I'll make the wrong choice. But in the end it made us feel relieved that if for some reason E&R aren't right for us, there are other choices now available for us to meet while we're there. We won't feel pressured to make the wrong decision. Honestly it did cross our minds about whether we could handle adopting a THIRD child; but that thought didn't last long. No third child at least for awhile. There are two really cute individual girls on there (one 8yo and one 10yo), and a set of 4yo girl twins. We are still more "attached" to Katya and Roman, but it's nice to see other nice kids pop up on the listing. Even for the future we know that we can find other kids on there for our future adopted ones! LOL
We're still not anticipating any real issues with E&R. Just preparing for them. You know, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.
I don't think I mentioned that we got the video of the kids translated? Dad put me in contact with a family from the Russian group in his old congregation (Andy's cong.). They watched the video and typed out the translation for us. Very helpful and appreciated! It was interesting to learn the exact conversation. Too much to write here, and we already had picked out the most important details I think (the ballet, the English classes, etc.). One thing that Roman mentioned is that he'd like to find parents in America that don't drink... Hmm... Maybe that gives us some possible insight about why they're in the orphanage?
Also, we found out that the family that skipped out on their court date did that TWICE with the same kids. They say they want a third court date, but it doesn't look like anyone is giving them one. Families are supposed to jump at a moment's notice when they get their court date. Drop everything. After all, the kids and the parents are supposed to be anxiously waiting and hoping for the soonest possible second. What kind of people would be a no-show to TWO court dates? They must have more money than they have compassion and good sense. It's not fair!
We're trying to pack everything into carry-on luggage so we don't have to check anything. It's tough and I'd say right now that's the only thing I'm really stressing about. I know that sounds funny - but you know me... I don't really worry about stuff. But how are we gonna fit it all?! We already have one carry-on filled with clothes for the kids and to donate!
Jason, however, worries about just about everything. Mostly he worries that the kids won't like him. I'm doing my best to keep him positive. He just doesn't do well with any situation where the big details are unknown. He's not a "wait and see"-er.
So, I guess it's a good thing that I am! One flappable + one unflappable = only a little flapped.
Whew! Relax...
Love,
Molly
Today we went to WalMart and Old Navy to get clothes for the kids and a few other things we needed for the trip. We've heard that sometimes the kids don't come to the hotel with much in the way of clothing, so since we are supposed to bring gifts anyway we figured clothes would be good for part of the gifts. It was strange buying kid's clothes. We had to guess on the sizes since we don't know how big they are. I think I got pretty close, but we'll see! I was standing in the boy's section in Old Navy and there was a lady there (about 40 years old probably). I asked her what she thought a 10 year old boy would wear as far as size. Turns out she has three boys, ages 9, 10 and 11; so she was a good person to ask! She confirmed what I was planning on buying. So hopefully it will work! We bought shirts, shorts, pants and pajamas in different sizes. The ones that don't fit will either be returned or donated to the orphanage.
We still need to buy gifts for the caretakers (scarves, lotions, jewelry, etc.) and games/toys to keep the kids busy. Nothing too extravagant. We're just told that since they don't get out much and don't get direct attention much, we might want breaks. So give them stuff to occupy them during those times!
Still waiting on our INS approval... more than 10 weeks now! :( Most people get them within 4 weeks. ARG!
The adoption photo listing for Estonia was updated last Friday with about 20 new kids. It caused mixed emotions at first because I don't like having what seems like an abundance of choices. Makes me worry that I'll make the wrong choice. But in the end it made us feel relieved that if for some reason E&R aren't right for us, there are other choices now available for us to meet while we're there. We won't feel pressured to make the wrong decision. Honestly it did cross our minds about whether we could handle adopting a THIRD child; but that thought didn't last long. No third child at least for awhile. There are two really cute individual girls on there (one 8yo and one 10yo), and a set of 4yo girl twins. We are still more "attached" to Katya and Roman, but it's nice to see other nice kids pop up on the listing. Even for the future we know that we can find other kids on there for our future adopted ones! LOL
We're still not anticipating any real issues with E&R. Just preparing for them. You know, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.
I don't think I mentioned that we got the video of the kids translated? Dad put me in contact with a family from the Russian group in his old congregation (Andy's cong.). They watched the video and typed out the translation for us. Very helpful and appreciated! It was interesting to learn the exact conversation. Too much to write here, and we already had picked out the most important details I think (the ballet, the English classes, etc.). One thing that Roman mentioned is that he'd like to find parents in America that don't drink... Hmm... Maybe that gives us some possible insight about why they're in the orphanage?
Also, we found out that the family that skipped out on their court date did that TWICE with the same kids. They say they want a third court date, but it doesn't look like anyone is giving them one. Families are supposed to jump at a moment's notice when they get their court date. Drop everything. After all, the kids and the parents are supposed to be anxiously waiting and hoping for the soonest possible second. What kind of people would be a no-show to TWO court dates? They must have more money than they have compassion and good sense. It's not fair!
We're trying to pack everything into carry-on luggage so we don't have to check anything. It's tough and I'd say right now that's the only thing I'm really stressing about. I know that sounds funny - but you know me... I don't really worry about stuff. But how are we gonna fit it all?! We already have one carry-on filled with clothes for the kids and to donate!
Jason, however, worries about just about everything. Mostly he worries that the kids won't like him. I'm doing my best to keep him positive. He just doesn't do well with any situation where the big details are unknown. He's not a "wait and see"-er.
So, I guess it's a good thing that I am! One flappable + one unflappable = only a little flapped.
Whew! Relax...
Love,
Molly
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
10 days or 10 years?
Counting down the days until we get to meet the kids. They are passing so slowly. It's getting more exciting, though, as we talk more to the ladies at the agency, being prepared about what to bring and what to expect. It makes it seem more real.
We got our dossier finished, with the exception of our approval form (I-171H) from the USCIS. It still hasn't come. Any day now! We had to go to Harrisburg, after having all of our forms notarized, to get them all apostilled (which is, again, a state seal that verifies that legitimacy of the notary). That was pretty easy, actually. Took like 5 minutes once we got there. We made a day of it last Friday while it was raining and we couldn't take dogs for walks. We stopped at Cracker Barrel and had lunch, which I haven't done in awhile (I think the last time was with mom, on the way to SC from Atlanta?). Jason was skeptical about eating there but gave in. He said the menu is confusing. Which it is. But he agreed the food was worth it. He said the atmosphere in there is so different than most restaurants it made him a little uncomfortable. I told him the atmosphere in there made me happy because I used to eat in there so often as a kid. I always think about that $50 stuffed cat (the one that looked real) that my parents bought me when I was little. I think that was the day that I started thinking that if you "just put it on the credit card", it's not really costing you anything. Fortunately I learned the TRUTH about that before I grew up. ;)
Anyway! We sent the dossier to the agency, they received it Monday and sent it to Estonia yesterday. I had to send our marriage license to Columbia, SC to be apostilled since it was a SC document, and they sent it to the agency directly. They received that yesterday but had already sent everything else to Estonia, so they will send me the apostilled marriage license and we'll hand carry it over to Estonia.
The ladies are also sending us a box of clothes to take to the orphanage as a gift. We also need to bring gifts for the orphanage, and for the caretakers. And of course for Katya & Roman. We're bringing them each a photo album of us, the house, and the animals. We took pictures of us the day of Rachel's wedding a couple weeks ago. I think we ought to do some casual ones too, but we'll see. We sent those same pictures with our dossier (required 6-10 pics of us and house), and the lady at the agency said the pictures were perfect. The pics were taken with Jay's good Nikon D80 digital SLR camera with a 60mm 1:2.8 micro auto focus lens (<-- Dad, FYI ;) ). 10-point-something megapixels!
As far as prepping us for the trip, Barbara (one of the agency ladies) warned me again that the kids may test us a lot at first (by being a little wild and not listening). One reason is because, unless they've figured it out already, they will be just finding out before we get there that the previous family who had come to preview them last year is not adopting them. Igor is going to explain to them that they failed the approval process, but that this new family (us) has already been approved, and it's not that they were rejected. Even so, they will still feel rejected and doubt the certainty of us adopting them. They won't trust us at first. In addition to that, they have to wait until the last minute to tell them because recently (for the first time in Estonia) a US family was a no-show to their court date. They just didn't come. So these kids - who happen to be in the same orphanage as K&R, thought they were going home on a certain day and the family ditched them. So they have to make sure we're actually coming before they tell them we are. Then when we're there and once we've decided for sure to adopt them, we have to make sure we assure them with promises that everything will work out.
Jason got worried recently that we'd go through all this and get there for our court date in a few months and the judge will reject us for no good reason. Theoretically they could, they can do whatever they want. Even though the court hearing is really a formality. So I asked the agency how many times that's happened, and as I suspected it was only once. It was this past February, and a judge who's never done an adoption before rejected a single man adopting a 7yo special needs boy. That is totally allowed by Estonia, but this judge was stupid so she rejected him. He has to redo his dossier and submit it to a new court. We already knew about that situation from the Estonia adoption yahoo group message board, and we were comforted to know that that was the only time that ever happened.
It really seems like, from everyone's experiences, the Estonian adoption is relatively VERY easy. So far it has been bump free, relatively speaking!
I think that's all the news for now. More soon probably!
Love,
Molly
We got our dossier finished, with the exception of our approval form (I-171H) from the USCIS. It still hasn't come. Any day now! We had to go to Harrisburg, after having all of our forms notarized, to get them all apostilled (which is, again, a state seal that verifies that legitimacy of the notary). That was pretty easy, actually. Took like 5 minutes once we got there. We made a day of it last Friday while it was raining and we couldn't take dogs for walks. We stopped at Cracker Barrel and had lunch, which I haven't done in awhile (I think the last time was with mom, on the way to SC from Atlanta?). Jason was skeptical about eating there but gave in. He said the menu is confusing. Which it is. But he agreed the food was worth it. He said the atmosphere in there is so different than most restaurants it made him a little uncomfortable. I told him the atmosphere in there made me happy because I used to eat in there so often as a kid. I always think about that $50 stuffed cat (the one that looked real) that my parents bought me when I was little. I think that was the day that I started thinking that if you "just put it on the credit card", it's not really costing you anything. Fortunately I learned the TRUTH about that before I grew up. ;)
Anyway! We sent the dossier to the agency, they received it Monday and sent it to Estonia yesterday. I had to send our marriage license to Columbia, SC to be apostilled since it was a SC document, and they sent it to the agency directly. They received that yesterday but had already sent everything else to Estonia, so they will send me the apostilled marriage license and we'll hand carry it over to Estonia.
The ladies are also sending us a box of clothes to take to the orphanage as a gift. We also need to bring gifts for the orphanage, and for the caretakers. And of course for Katya & Roman. We're bringing them each a photo album of us, the house, and the animals. We took pictures of us the day of Rachel's wedding a couple weeks ago. I think we ought to do some casual ones too, but we'll see. We sent those same pictures with our dossier (required 6-10 pics of us and house), and the lady at the agency said the pictures were perfect. The pics were taken with Jay's good Nikon D80 digital SLR camera with a 60mm 1:2.8 micro auto focus lens (<-- Dad, FYI ;) ). 10-point-something megapixels!
As far as prepping us for the trip, Barbara (one of the agency ladies) warned me again that the kids may test us a lot at first (by being a little wild and not listening). One reason is because, unless they've figured it out already, they will be just finding out before we get there that the previous family who had come to preview them last year is not adopting them. Igor is going to explain to them that they failed the approval process, but that this new family (us) has already been approved, and it's not that they were rejected. Even so, they will still feel rejected and doubt the certainty of us adopting them. They won't trust us at first. In addition to that, they have to wait until the last minute to tell them because recently (for the first time in Estonia) a US family was a no-show to their court date. They just didn't come. So these kids - who happen to be in the same orphanage as K&R, thought they were going home on a certain day and the family ditched them. So they have to make sure we're actually coming before they tell them we are. Then when we're there and once we've decided for sure to adopt them, we have to make sure we assure them with promises that everything will work out.
Jason got worried recently that we'd go through all this and get there for our court date in a few months and the judge will reject us for no good reason. Theoretically they could, they can do whatever they want. Even though the court hearing is really a formality. So I asked the agency how many times that's happened, and as I suspected it was only once. It was this past February, and a judge who's never done an adoption before rejected a single man adopting a 7yo special needs boy. That is totally allowed by Estonia, but this judge was stupid so she rejected him. He has to redo his dossier and submit it to a new court. We already knew about that situation from the Estonia adoption yahoo group message board, and we were comforted to know that that was the only time that ever happened.
It really seems like, from everyone's experiences, the Estonian adoption is relatively VERY easy. So far it has been bump free, relatively speaking!
I think that's all the news for now. More soon probably!
Love,
Molly
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Insert clever title for "News!"
And (as a close member of the family pointed out) this time the news is not annoying or bad!
We've decided to go to Estonia at the end of May to preview Ekaterina and Roman. As mentioned to most of you, we wouldn't adopt siblings or older kids unless the specific kids were really what we're looking for in terms of personality, health, and issues. We're prepared to deal with likely issues we may face, but it seems that these kids have nothing severe.
Here's what we know so far...
We're flying out on Saturday the 24th in the evening for an overnight flight. We have a layover in Stockholm and then we'll get to Tallinn at 5:50pm (their time). We'll be picked up by the people from the B&B we're staying in, which is where most people stay when they are going for the adoption trips. Our coordinator/translator (Igor is his name - not to be confused with Dad's impression of "Igor the Ogre") will be taking us where we need to go. I assume the first time we'll see the kids is Monday. From what I heard it's likely that the orphanage will want us to take the kids back to the hotel with us to stay with us for the 3 days we are there. Then we leave on Thursday the 29th, to arrive back in Newark at 7pm.
We were excited to learn that the kids speak Russian, not Estonian. That means we can keep going with our learning of Russian and have it be useful! With the translator's help, our little bit of Russian, and the fact that they have been taking English, communication should be easier that we thought it might be initially.
The only other significant things we know about them is she takes ballet, he likes to play soccer, they do well in school, are agreeable and compliant, that she desperately wants a family and he's a "little wild". When I asked for clarification on that, they said "normal 10 year old boy wild"; but they also said that he really likes adults and does tasks he's given without any trouble.
They seem like really sweet kids. I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but the lady at the agency in SC (who has adopted kids as well) said that if she was looking to adopt, she'd adopt these kids. They really seem normal, healthy (as much as possible in orphanage), and nice. So we're going to meet them so we can decide for sure.
We're really excited to go and keep hearing nothing but good things about how these trips usually work out. Seems like an easy place to travel, especially with Igor's help. Their culture is more western than eastern in a lot of ways, which is why (I guess) they take ballet and play soccer and take English as part of their schooling. :)
The next step after we get back is to send our dossier over there to be approved. Anywhere from a month to several months later we will go back for our court hearing to finalize. That second trip should take two weeks or less over there.
We're finishing up our dossier before we leave for the preview so everything will be ready before we go. The paperwork for Estonia is much easier, in my opinion. We've gotten almost all of it done. After we get everything we need, we have to get some things notarized and then take it all to Harrisburg to be apostilled. That basically means they verify the notaries and give everything another stamp. Then everything gets translated and sent off to Estonia.
We just found out yesterday that the kids are right in Tallinn (where we fly in and where we're staying), so there won't be a lot of in-country travel. Which is good when you're only there three days.
So now you're up to date! Things finally happening. But it's such a roller coaster. This is so hard! All the waiting and wondering, uncertainties. It really is tormenting. All we can do is hope that it'll be worth it. ;)
Love,
Molly
We've decided to go to Estonia at the end of May to preview Ekaterina and Roman. As mentioned to most of you, we wouldn't adopt siblings or older kids unless the specific kids were really what we're looking for in terms of personality, health, and issues. We're prepared to deal with likely issues we may face, but it seems that these kids have nothing severe.
Here's what we know so far...
We're flying out on Saturday the 24th in the evening for an overnight flight. We have a layover in Stockholm and then we'll get to Tallinn at 5:50pm (their time). We'll be picked up by the people from the B&B we're staying in, which is where most people stay when they are going for the adoption trips. Our coordinator/translator (Igor is his name - not to be confused with Dad's impression of "Igor the Ogre") will be taking us where we need to go. I assume the first time we'll see the kids is Monday. From what I heard it's likely that the orphanage will want us to take the kids back to the hotel with us to stay with us for the 3 days we are there. Then we leave on Thursday the 29th, to arrive back in Newark at 7pm.
We were excited to learn that the kids speak Russian, not Estonian. That means we can keep going with our learning of Russian and have it be useful! With the translator's help, our little bit of Russian, and the fact that they have been taking English, communication should be easier that we thought it might be initially.
The only other significant things we know about them is she takes ballet, he likes to play soccer, they do well in school, are agreeable and compliant, that she desperately wants a family and he's a "little wild". When I asked for clarification on that, they said "normal 10 year old boy wild"; but they also said that he really likes adults and does tasks he's given without any trouble.
They seem like really sweet kids. I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but the lady at the agency in SC (who has adopted kids as well) said that if she was looking to adopt, she'd adopt these kids. They really seem normal, healthy (as much as possible in orphanage), and nice. So we're going to meet them so we can decide for sure.
We're really excited to go and keep hearing nothing but good things about how these trips usually work out. Seems like an easy place to travel, especially with Igor's help. Their culture is more western than eastern in a lot of ways, which is why (I guess) they take ballet and play soccer and take English as part of their schooling. :)
The next step after we get back is to send our dossier over there to be approved. Anywhere from a month to several months later we will go back for our court hearing to finalize. That second trip should take two weeks or less over there.
We're finishing up our dossier before we leave for the preview so everything will be ready before we go. The paperwork for Estonia is much easier, in my opinion. We've gotten almost all of it done. After we get everything we need, we have to get some things notarized and then take it all to Harrisburg to be apostilled. That basically means they verify the notaries and give everything another stamp. Then everything gets translated and sent off to Estonia.
We just found out yesterday that the kids are right in Tallinn (where we fly in and where we're staying), so there won't be a lot of in-country travel. Which is good when you're only there three days.
So now you're up to date! Things finally happening. But it's such a roller coaster. This is so hard! All the waiting and wondering, uncertainties. It really is tormenting. All we can do is hope that it'll be worth it. ;)
Love,
Molly
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The Pile.
So since I didn't get to write as many details in the last post as I would have liked, and since there haven't been any comments (and maybe not any viewers!) yet, I'm going to hurry up and address some things I know will come up among advice-givers and those-who-think-I've-lost-my-mind-ers.
First of all (I'll refrain from bullets or numbered points this time... Gotta get away from that!) we've heard before the concerns about adopting more than one child. I can imagine that the concerns over adopting more than one OLDER child are even more plentiful! Believe me, I know. I have concerns. I'm not being naive. I know it won't be easy. Jason and I have talked about it a lot and have been learning a lot about all the possible issues we might face. Jason keeps saying that anyone who wants to do this has to be at least 50% doing it for the purpose of helping someone else. Not because it'll be all fun and games for us.
Knowing what issues we might face I think is probably the most important thing we can do right now. Be mentally prepared as much as we can possibly be, while knowing too that there will still be surprises and days we ask what in the world we got ourselves into.
Another concern I can see crossing the minds of some is that we'd be missing out on the fun younger ages. That's not really true either... If we really like these kids and adopt them, they'll be out of the house in 10 years or so. Between now and then we'll still be young enough to adopt (or have) an infant if we wanted. Or a 3 year old. Or whatever.
Honestly I'm not too picky about the ages. I do feel like it is a little weird... a lot weird actually... to think about having "kids" that are only 16 years or so younger than me. I didn't intend to create my own Gilmore Girls series when we started this. I think it will be weird for me and for other people for a long time. (Note: Jason doesn't care at all about it being weird.) But at the same time if the kids are right for us, it shouldn't really matter as much. We got into this wanting to help a child that might otherwise have a terrible life. The older they are, the less likely they are to be adopted.
Of course there is a limit. Not only in age but also in things we're willing to handle. We need to make sure, to the extent possible, that we won't be tying ourselves to issues that we will kill ourselves trying to fix. I don't think I could handle severe Reactive Attachment Disorder, for instance. I can't handle the idea of adopting a teenager, for instance. Although I would rather adopt a healthy teenager than a 5 year old with RAD. And in some older-kid cases, RAD is less likely. Rejection and attachment issues are inevitable, but not RAD.
We have to do 10 hours of online training as part of this process. We found out about it yesterday. Of course our agency that wrote our home study didn't tell us about it. We've learned a lot from it already about different adjustment issues the kids face, even if they're happy about being adopted. There will be no honeymoon period. There will be testing. They (like the dogs we train) have to learn what we will allow, what we can take, and whether we would ever give up on them if they were bad enough. The older they are and the longer they've been in an institution, the greater the chance that they've been abused. We've already resigned ourselves to the idea that whoever we adopt will need counseling.
On the other hand, many people deal with behavior issues, adjustment issues, kids with disorders and all kinds of things - and they are their bio kids! Knowing in advance that we'll probably have these kinds of things to deal with doesn't change whether or not we can handle them.
In talking about these possibilities, I asked Jason how he felt about these prospects. He said it made him look forward to it even more. He's not denying the possibilities and he's not afraid of them. He wants to face whatever challenges come with the children we carefully choose. For someone who worries a lot and overreacts at times to minor stress, he's a stinking cucumber about this! (As in "cool as a"...)
We've also talked about making sure, no matter what happens, that we don't let it negatively effect our relationship with each other and our spirituality.
Comments and concerns are appreciated, when they do (inevitably) come. But we want you all to know that we're not expecting smooth-except-minor-issues from this process. HA! as if anything in this process is smooth! If we do indeed adopt TWO. OLDER. KIDS., we know it could be really tough. Doing a good thing for someone else is often not easy. And we will need help, advice, and support ongoing... And I'm sure, from past experience with your opinions, some of you will believe that if anyone can do this...
So... Will I still come up smelling like a rose after jumping into THIS pile? ;)
Love,
Molly
First of all (I'll refrain from bullets or numbered points this time... Gotta get away from that!) we've heard before the concerns about adopting more than one child. I can imagine that the concerns over adopting more than one OLDER child are even more plentiful! Believe me, I know. I have concerns. I'm not being naive. I know it won't be easy. Jason and I have talked about it a lot and have been learning a lot about all the possible issues we might face. Jason keeps saying that anyone who wants to do this has to be at least 50% doing it for the purpose of helping someone else. Not because it'll be all fun and games for us.
Knowing what issues we might face I think is probably the most important thing we can do right now. Be mentally prepared as much as we can possibly be, while knowing too that there will still be surprises and days we ask what in the world we got ourselves into.
Another concern I can see crossing the minds of some is that we'd be missing out on the fun younger ages. That's not really true either... If we really like these kids and adopt them, they'll be out of the house in 10 years or so. Between now and then we'll still be young enough to adopt (or have) an infant if we wanted. Or a 3 year old. Or whatever.
Honestly I'm not too picky about the ages. I do feel like it is a little weird... a lot weird actually... to think about having "kids" that are only 16 years or so younger than me. I didn't intend to create my own Gilmore Girls series when we started this. I think it will be weird for me and for other people for a long time. (Note: Jason doesn't care at all about it being weird.) But at the same time if the kids are right for us, it shouldn't really matter as much. We got into this wanting to help a child that might otherwise have a terrible life. The older they are, the less likely they are to be adopted.
Of course there is a limit. Not only in age but also in things we're willing to handle. We need to make sure, to the extent possible, that we won't be tying ourselves to issues that we will kill ourselves trying to fix. I don't think I could handle severe Reactive Attachment Disorder, for instance. I can't handle the idea of adopting a teenager, for instance. Although I would rather adopt a healthy teenager than a 5 year old with RAD. And in some older-kid cases, RAD is less likely. Rejection and attachment issues are inevitable, but not RAD.
We have to do 10 hours of online training as part of this process. We found out about it yesterday. Of course our agency that wrote our home study didn't tell us about it. We've learned a lot from it already about different adjustment issues the kids face, even if they're happy about being adopted. There will be no honeymoon period. There will be testing. They (like the dogs we train) have to learn what we will allow, what we can take, and whether we would ever give up on them if they were bad enough. The older they are and the longer they've been in an institution, the greater the chance that they've been abused. We've already resigned ourselves to the idea that whoever we adopt will need counseling.
On the other hand, many people deal with behavior issues, adjustment issues, kids with disorders and all kinds of things - and they are their bio kids! Knowing in advance that we'll probably have these kinds of things to deal with doesn't change whether or not we can handle them.
In talking about these possibilities, I asked Jason how he felt about these prospects. He said it made him look forward to it even more. He's not denying the possibilities and he's not afraid of them. He wants to face whatever challenges come with the children we carefully choose. For someone who worries a lot and overreacts at times to minor stress, he's a stinking cucumber about this! (As in "cool as a"...)
We've also talked about making sure, no matter what happens, that we don't let it negatively effect our relationship with each other and our spirituality.
Comments and concerns are appreciated, when they do (inevitably) come. But we want you all to know that we're not expecting smooth-except-minor-issues from this process. HA! as if anything in this process is smooth! If we do indeed adopt TWO. OLDER. KIDS., we know it could be really tough. Doing a good thing for someone else is often not easy. And we will need help, advice, and support ongoing... And I'm sure, from past experience with your opinions, some of you will believe that if anyone can do this...
So... Will I still come up smelling like a rose after jumping into THIS pile? ;)
Love,
Molly
Monday, April 14, 2008
Nuthin but a number
We've been watching the Estonia photo listing like hawks lately, convinced now that it really is the most feasible option for us now. The domestic is much more chaotic than even Ukraine seemed to be, and we're tired of the idea of paying through the nose before you lay eyes on a real kid. I'd prefer to not lose an arm and a leg before I get to use my eyes.
A week or so ago a listing popped up on Estonia that we kept in the back of our minds for a couple days. Jason really likes them. REALLY likes them. In fact he says they are the first ones he's seen that he can visualize being his kids. I was surprised to hear that. That's the way I felt about the "listing" mentioned in the last post.
Since it's fair to say at this point that it's impossible that we'll be adopting the "listing" from the last post, I guess I can tell you guys more details now. It's somewhat relevant to the current possibility. The last "listing" was in Arkansas, and it was a set of THREE girls. Three, yes. Which is why I didn't tell you! I didn't want to hear "Well, Molly... Maybe it's for the best. Three is an awful lot to handle right away. From 0-3? Wow." I didn't want to hear "Maybe it's for the best"! I really wanted them! If you saw them you'd understand. Their ages were 4, 6 and 7. All blonde, all blue eyed, all gorgeous, all smiles, and all sweet. Maybe, sure, maybe they might have had behavioral problems. Who knows. So maybe it was for the best? And three is more than we intended to adopt. That is a lot. So there's the secret of my ambiguity.
NOW. The Estonia listing has a minor detail of its own that you all will have to wrap your brains around (especially those of you with judgmental opinionated brains). OK two minor details. Since there are two kids. A boy and a girl. Oh yeah, and one other detail... They are much older. Old enough that, honestly, my only real concern is that family and friends will never really get used to them as being our "kids." They are 10 and 11 (but probably small, as most of them are... they might end up looking like 8 and 9 year olds in person).
We wouldn't be okay with the age except under specific circumstances... specifically the specific kids. We have heard reports of them being very friendly, sweet, on track with school, obedient, helpful, laugh a lot, respectful, etc. etc... Which is not what they say about every kid.
Now the pros for adopting older kids... I am frequently reminded (by my own mind and my an appreciated input-giver) that at the age of 7 a child's personality is pretty much set. That would mean that 1) it could be advantageous to adopt a kid younger than 7 so they can be molded personality-wise. Or (and this is my own addition to the rules) 2) adopt a kid older than 7 so the personality will be apparent and probably won't change for the worse. What you see is what you get.
Those of you who have access to the photo listing, you can look at these kids and tell me what you think. Their names are Roman and Ekaterina. We're waiting for the video of them in the mail (should be here in a couple days). If all goes well and nothing unusual comes up that would end yet another possibility, then there is a chance that we'll go to Estonia to preview them soon (like a month from now).
So that's the latest, for the most part. More later this week.
Love,
Molly
PS- Carolyn can you remind me when you wanted us to watch B&K for you? So I don't interfere with that. :)
A week or so ago a listing popped up on Estonia that we kept in the back of our minds for a couple days. Jason really likes them. REALLY likes them. In fact he says they are the first ones he's seen that he can visualize being his kids. I was surprised to hear that. That's the way I felt about the "listing" mentioned in the last post.
Since it's fair to say at this point that it's impossible that we'll be adopting the "listing" from the last post, I guess I can tell you guys more details now. It's somewhat relevant to the current possibility. The last "listing" was in Arkansas, and it was a set of THREE girls. Three, yes. Which is why I didn't tell you! I didn't want to hear "Well, Molly... Maybe it's for the best. Three is an awful lot to handle right away. From 0-3? Wow." I didn't want to hear "Maybe it's for the best"! I really wanted them! If you saw them you'd understand. Their ages were 4, 6 and 7. All blonde, all blue eyed, all gorgeous, all smiles, and all sweet. Maybe, sure, maybe they might have had behavioral problems. Who knows. So maybe it was for the best? And three is more than we intended to adopt. That is a lot. So there's the secret of my ambiguity.
NOW. The Estonia listing has a minor detail of its own that you all will have to wrap your brains around (especially those of you with judgmental opinionated brains). OK two minor details. Since there are two kids. A boy and a girl. Oh yeah, and one other detail... They are much older. Old enough that, honestly, my only real concern is that family and friends will never really get used to them as being our "kids." They are 10 and 11 (but probably small, as most of them are... they might end up looking like 8 and 9 year olds in person).
We wouldn't be okay with the age except under specific circumstances... specifically the specific kids. We have heard reports of them being very friendly, sweet, on track with school, obedient, helpful, laugh a lot, respectful, etc. etc... Which is not what they say about every kid.
Now the pros for adopting older kids... I am frequently reminded (by my own mind and my an appreciated input-giver) that at the age of 7 a child's personality is pretty much set. That would mean that 1) it could be advantageous to adopt a kid younger than 7 so they can be molded personality-wise. Or (and this is my own addition to the rules) 2) adopt a kid older than 7 so the personality will be apparent and probably won't change for the worse. What you see is what you get.
Those of you who have access to the photo listing, you can look at these kids and tell me what you think. Their names are Roman and Ekaterina. We're waiting for the video of them in the mail (should be here in a couple days). If all goes well and nothing unusual comes up that would end yet another possibility, then there is a chance that we'll go to Estonia to preview them soon (like a month from now).
So that's the latest, for the most part. More later this week.
Love,
Molly
PS- Carolyn can you remind me when you wanted us to watch B&K for you? So I don't interfere with that. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)